1000 Benchmarks of Light
Humor / Politics - With only weeks to go until Election Day, President Bush can no longer sell his war in Iraq. Quitting is out of the question. It’s not like the Ford Taurus where you just shut down the production line. So why not take a page from his father’s playbook and propose 1000 Benchmarks of Light?
What, you may ask, is 1000 Benchmarks of Light? It’s a kinder gentler way of selling the war. Here are just a few:
Benchmark # 1: The Mosul Starbucks is able to serve two Banana Mocha Frappuccinos before being fire bombed.
Benchmark # 37: Abu Ghraib Prison’s electro-torture facility switches to solar power.
Benchmark # 87: Donald Rumsfeld’s plane takes off from Baghdad International Airport without being fired upon -- by disgruntled American soldiers.
Benchmark # 159: U.S. Ambassador Zalmay Khalilzad successfully gets through airport security without being stripped searched.
Benchmark # 289: Weapons and ammunition are even easier to acquire since the opening of the Fallujah Wal-Mart.
Benchmark # 415: President Bush’s daughters Jenna and Barbara are the first guests to stay at Club Med: Green Zone.
Benchmark # 578: Rush Limbaugh places first order of discount Viagra from Sadr City’s House of Erectile Dysfunction.
Benchmark # 745: Ryan Seacrest hosts “Iranian Idol.” Only three semifinalists are shot.
Benchmark # 923: Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice and Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki publicly announce their engagement after meeting on Match.com.
Benchmark # 1000: President Bush greets incoming President Nancy Pelosi and says, “I’m outta here.”
