Not surprisingly, “dude,” I’m afraid you’re projecting your own narrow little world view on what I meant when I wrote, “Now, as I’m sure you can imagine, Spike gets invited to many important events such as theater openings and political fundraisers, yet he always declines. Why? Because he knows that such events tend to attract men who are interested in the arts or politics, and since such men are like Kryptonite to Spike, he avoids them at all costs.”

Let me be clear: while Spike has no desire to associate with people who are interested in the arts or politics (or the environment or social issues or anything else of importance), it does not mean that he doesn’t value them. In fact, Spike is thoroughly grateful that such people exist because it allows him to continue along in his own self-absorbed and selfish ways, knowing that the world may still become a better place, despite his own lack of effort.

Spike knows that if it weren’t for those “boring-ass guys” (and women), he wouldn’t be able to write a column in which he talks about homosexuality and uses words like “fuck” without fear of being arrested. And you, dear Scott, would not be able to openly prance around the South End in your tight little Abercrombie & Fitch tank top, or get all messy drunk every Thursday night at Club Cafe. Perhaps if you tried talking to someone over the age of 30 occasionally, you might find out what gay life was like in the days before Stonewall (and no, Scott, I don’t mean the company that makes preserves in pretty jars; try using the internet for something other than finding sex and look it up).

As for your assertion that life is short, spoken like a true 24-year-old twit who can’t see life beyond his next body wax. As you will discover if you live long enough, life is, in fact, very long, and without the freedoms that you take for granted it would seem even longer. Rather than belittle them, you should get down on your knees every morning (without someone’s belt buckle resting on your forehead for a change) and thank the people who care enough to try to make a difference.

One final thing: your suggestion that we get together for a drink seems to imply you feel there is some level of kinship or likeness between us. Just because you fancy yourself a cynic and affect a laissez-don’t-care pose does not mean that we are alike. Though we may never have met in person, Scott, I’ve certainly met many like you, and here’s the big difference between us: If we were both a plane and it began to go down, you would be among the first to start begging and pleading for a second chance, offering to change your ways if only God would grant you a reprieve. You would spend your last minutes in fear and self-pity. Spike, on the other hand, would order another cocktail, light up a smoke, and prepare to enjoy the rest of the ride. Because I don’t care if I live or die? Hardly. Spike loves life, but he knows that when you love something you have to embrace it fully, both the good and the bad, and so we may as well make the most out of the life we have, however short it may be.

Well, I hate to end on a verb, but it’s time to go embrace me some life.

“Laters, dude!”

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