Some Other Ways Forward
Humor / Politics - In his weekly radio address, President Bush labeled lawmakers who criticized his latest plan for Iraq “irresponsible.” He also challenged them to suggest solutions for extricating America from this hopeless predicament. Here are a few options that would seem to have a better chance succeeding than his.
• Appease the warring factions by offering each fighter a free subscription to Netflix.
• Sell the conflict to Donald Trump. You don’t think that’s possible? Who ever thought you could own a beauty pageant?
• Madonna adopts the Sunnis. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie adopt the Shiites.
• Call up President Bush’s National Guard unit.
• All the troops out. Chuck Norris in (as long as we can pay him more than what he’s getting for those infomercials).
• “Good news, Mr. President. They just discovered a ton of oil in Grenada!”
• Pay George Clooney to date Condoleezza Rice. (It’s asking a lot, but he’ll take one for the team.) After sharing a hot tub with George, Noam Chomsky, and Barbara Streisand, Condi will be ready to pull troops out of Mississippi.
• Exchange the troops for Oakland Raiders fans. These poor people need to take their frustrations out on somebody.
• Refocus the Iraqis anger. Can you say Baghdad Church of Scientology?
• If all else fails, less Bush, more Yanni.
