Chicken Soup for the Tortured Soul
Humor / Television - “24,” television’s Chicken Soup for the Tortured Soul, has become a convenient answer to the popular question: Is it morally justified to twist a thumb or two if mankind and high Nielsen ratings hang in the balance?
Federal Agent Jack Bauer’s bone-crunching brand of civics lessons makes a good case for playing fast and loose with the Constitution. But if we allow ourselves to be governed by fictional characters in fictional situations, it is only fair we give other TV shows equal time.
“American Idol” makes a good argument against torture as an effective interrogation tool. The punishment Simon Cowell and his cohorts deliver to each competitor only emboldens them to keep singing. The threat of an all-expenses-paid trip to Guantanamo would never persuade most of these gift-less victims to confess ineptitude.
“Grey’s Anatomy” makes a perfect case for federally subsidized daycare. The program brilliantly illustrates the difficulty every woman encounters when getting married, having children, becoming a brilliant doctor, all while carrying on a steamy affair with the hunky head of surgery.
The Bush Administration strongly believes the world is a better place without Saddam Hussein. However, “The Apprentice” proves that, if surrounded by a cast of attractive toadies and expensive-looking furnishings, an egomaniacal dictator -- even with a bad haircut -- can be entertaining to watch.
If new Massachusetts Gov. Deval Patrick is still trying to figure out how to fund his 1000 new cops on the beat, he should look no further than the recently-canceled “Armed and Famous.” Why use precious tax dollars training and paying policemen when reality show producers can tap into an almost endless supply of washed up, has-been, and barely-were celebrities willing to sacrifice their last shred of dignity to protect and serve?
No show illustrates the problem of illegal immigration in America better than “Supernanny.” This foreigner slips into the United States. She sneaks across state borders finding work as a domestic laborer. She takes jobs away from Americans, and sends 15 percent of her wages back to England to help support her agent.
Opponents of same-sex marriage can point to programs like “Oz” and “Prison Break” as proof male bonding has its limits. If God wanted large groups of men to flourish in captivity, he or she would have given them less-threatening tattoos.
“Ghost Whisperer” is about a woman who helps earthbound spirits with unfinished business so they can move on to Afterlife Estates, Phase II. The bigger message of this show is obvious: Iraq must be democratized before President Bush can retire and become the next National Mountain Bike Association Commissioner.
So-called technological advances like the Internet, cell phones, and e-mail have made us a more isolated society. Fortunately, programs like “Desperate Housewives” remind us what truly brings communities together: adultery, backstabbing, and greed.
You don’t have to view every episode of “CSI: Crime Scene Investigation” to know how bad our national health care system is. Watch one autopsy and the problem is clear: Dead people get more medical attention than live patients. And if you are not still convinced, try asking your primary physician to draw blood and a chalk outline around you.
There is no harm cheering for Jack Bauer as he twists Geneva Convention rules like a suspect’s elbow. But at a time when we desperately need a leader willing to acknowledge his mistakes, remember this: Homer Simpson is the only man on TV honest enough to say, “D'oh!”
