Must Flee TV
Humor / Television - The CBS reality show “Armed and Famous” was canceled after only four episodes. Once again, network executives must be scratching their heads: Who wouldn’t warm up to a lovable bunch of deputized has-beens and never-weres like Latoya Jackson, Erik Estrada, professional skateboarder and small person Jason “Wee Man” Acuńa, “renowned international fitness model” Trish Status, and heir to the Ozzie Empire: Jack Osbourne? Add the exotic Muncie, Indiana locale and they almost had a sure-fire recipe for a hit.
The producers should not give up. Celebrities packing heat may not be the way to go, but there are countless other people who should not be carrying weapons. It is just a matter of finding and packaging the ones TV audiences will love to watch. Here are just a few:
Armed and Sarcastic -- Each week, a group of acerbic vigilantes hunt down friends and associates who always take them way too literally.
Armed and Wistful -- Second rate poets shoot the love of their life and then write a haiku expressing their pensive yearning about what might have been.
Armed and Menopausal -- Middle aged husbands are chased by their wives across countries and continents for no apparent reason.
Armed and Ambivalent -- First-time robbers keep convenience store customers waiting for hours while deciding whether to shoot the clerk.
Armed and Emotionally Unavailable -- Lovers profusely apologize to their incommunicative partners for suggesting they take the relationship to the next step.
Armed and Flatulent -- After eating a Mexican dinner, a SWAT team must sneak up on a suspect.
Armed and Tardy -- In each episode, an Uzi-toting person shows up two hours late for a dentist appointment and then dares the receptionist to complain.
Armed and Penny-Pinching -- Contestants must line up multiple targets so they can be shot with one bullet.
Armed and Lactose Intolerant -- Each week, restaurant workers are forced to swear on their mother’s graves that “it really is a soy milk substitute.”
Armed and Clairvoyant -- Points are awarded for shooting the real criminals.
