But Spike jests, of course. He’s sure that dear, sweet Abby didn’t pick that Rebecca-of-Donnybrook-Farm-meets-Swiss-Miss mess of a dress out for herself. It was undoubtedly some sapphic stylist’s misguided interpretation of “pretty”...one hopes!

First of all, Bailey, who said that Jodie Foster and Queen Latifah are gay? Did Spike miss a memo from the home office?

Just because Ms. Foster had her children under mysterious circumstances DOESN'T mean she’s a lesbian. If that were the indicator of lesbianism, 75% of the actresses in Hollywood would be dykes. You don’t think all those twins being born to actresses “slightly” past the bloom of youth are natural occurrences, do you? And the fact that she hasn’t been photographed with a man outside of a movie set since she attended the premiere of “Bugsy Malone” with Scott Baio? Hardly proof. Some people just prefer the company of others of the same sex because it’s more...comfortable.

And as for the Queen, sure she’s built like a member of the Bears’ offensive line and played dykes in “Set It Off” and “Chicago,” but does that mean she’s necessarily one in real life? Ian McKellan played a wizard in “Lord of the Rings” three times? Does that mean he’s a wizard in real life? Of course not...though Spike has heard rumors that he likes to wield his magic staff in private, as well.

Such scurrilous insinuation, Bailey. You should be ashamed. Spike Sez is a facts-based column, so unless you can send Spike pictures of Ms. Foster and Ms. Latifah chowing down on some carpet, please stick to the facts!...On second thought, if you do have such pictures, please keep them to yourself. Spike just ate breakfast.

Now, as for your question. Was the profileration of casual gayness an indication that Hollywood has become truly accepting? Sure...so long as it doesn’t hurt the profits. Because that’s always going to be the bottom line, and frankly Spike can’t be critical of it.

Put yourself in the position of a producer. You’ve got a $100 million dollars to spend on a film. Your future livelihood depends on your ability to turn a profit for your investors and the studio. Are you going to spend the money on a tender story that explores the complex relationship between two young women falling in love against the backdrop of an impending armegeddon, or are you going to spend it on a potential blockbuster about a bunch of manly but quirky guys who fight to save the earth from that armeggedon? Of course you’re going to go with the latter (at least if you’ve got some of your own money included in that $100 million) because there’s a proven track record for that kind of dreck.

And Spike isn’t sure that Hollywood was ever really homophobic in the first place. Gays and lesbians have always been an integral and accepted part of the movies, both in front of and behind the cameras. Even Charlton Heston, Ronald Reagan and Mel Gibson have admitted that they had gay friends. It’s just been a question of whether the studios thought they could make a profit with openly gay actors and gay-themed films, because when push comes to shove, even the most homophobic studio head is going to greenlight a gay movie IF they think it will make them money.

So what we saw last night is probably the direct result of last year’s somewhat nervous, self-conscious celebration of gayness. When Hollywood saw that the rest of the country didn’t turn away en masse in protest, they probably felt a little more comfortable with the whole thing themselves.

But keep in mind that while Hollywood loves to congratulate itself on its tolerance and on pushing the boundaries, they’re remarkably slow to embrace real change. Think back 20 years. How many “marketable” black actors and actresses were there? Eddie Murphy...and he did comedies. And before him? Sidney Poitier.

And while many of Poitier’s movies were huge hits, and in the early 70s “Shaft” and “Superfly” proved that “black” movies could be profitable, did those successes lead the studios to create a spate of great roles for black actors? No. They lead to a bunch of low-budget shlock that played to whites by showing them a cartoon version of what white, middle class America thought ghetto life was really like.

Yes, there have always been respected black actors like Paul Robeson, Cicely Tyson, Paul Winfield, Ruby Dee, Ossie Davis, Howard Rollins, etc...and there have been some very successful black actors like Bill Cosby and Richard Pryor, but they were always cast in roles that were specifically black because the studios didn’t believe that the public was interested in movies that just happened to have black actors.

That started to change when Lou Gossett, Jr. won the role of the drill sergeant in “An Officer and a Gentleman,” a role that had been written for a white actor. When the movie was a huge hit light began to dawn on the studios that maybe having black actors in key roles that weren’t specifically black wouldn’t hurt the box office, and so they patted themselves on the back for their largesse and gave Gossett an Oscar to boot so no one would miss how open-minded they were. Then things went back to business as usual.

It really wasn’t until Denzel Washington came along that things really began to change. More than any other actor Spike can think of, Mr. Washington has proven to the studios that the public is willing to accept black actors in roles just because they’re talented. Yes, Denzel has done his fair share of “black” characters, but he’s also been wildly successful playing characters that could just as easily have been white (The Pelican Brief—a white character in the book; Philadelphia; Crimson Tide; Virtuosity; Courage Under Fire; Fallen; The Seige; The Bone Collector; Out of Time; Man on Fire; The Manchurian Candidate — in the role played by Frank Sinatra in the original; Inside Man).

As a result, things have slowly started to change. Morgan Freeman has played God, the President, and a cowboy. Halle Berry was a Bond girl and the amnesiac wife in “Gothic.” Lawrence Fishburne was Morpheus in the “Matrix” trilogy (hell, 90% of the cast was non-white). Will Smith has become a huge star with “Independence Day” and “I Robot.” We finally have something approaching color-blind casting...at least for a few "bankable" black actors.

So maybe, at some point in the not-too-distant future we’ll see something similar happen with gay actors and actresses. It’s already happened with a few like Sir Ian, but he’s primarily a character actor, not a leading man. For now TV seems to be leading the charge in that arena.

And even if Hollywood wants to treat sexuality as a non-issue, don't expect to see a slew of openly gay actors and gay-themed movies until the public demonstrates that THEY don't have an issue with it by opening their wallets. That's just the economic reality and that's probably a long way off. Keep in mind that all those wonderful, liberal, open-minded people you saw at the Oscars last night arrived in hybrid cars and seem to believe that Al Gore won the presidency (silly people). The last time Spike checked, that wasn’t the case in Nebraska.

Phew! All this social commentating is SOOOO exhausting. Time for Spike to pop a Percodan and take a nap.

So ta ta for now, my pets,
Spike

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