Seriously, Sharon, Spike suggests you pop a valium or two and try to keep your stalker impulses in check for at least another 24 hours. Yes, it’s possible that she lost your number, but it’s also possible that she just has a life of her own and already had plans yesterday that kept her from calling you. Maybe she went to visit her sick Nana in the nursing home, or maybe she was volunteering at a soup kitchen, or maybe she had to break up with her existing girlfriend so she can start dating you. The possible reasons are endless. Not everyone’s life is a complete void, just waiting for someone else to come along and fill it, as is apparently the case for you.

Which leads to the bigger issue: you say that you want to avoid appearing desperate, but doesn’t the fact that you’re already obsessing about this woman to the point where you’re writing to advice columnists about her suggest that maybe you are just a tad? While Spike understands the eagerness to connect that comes with meeting a new hottie, there’s a fine line between eager and “Single White Female.” You’re a few steps beyond that line right now.

So you need to step back over that line and try to keep things in perspective. While you like what you’ve seen so far, keep in mind that you met at a social function where she was no doubt on her best behavior. The everyday reality may be very different (as I’m sure you didn’t give any clues that night that you’d like to lock her in your pantry forever). And even if it’s not, even if she is truly as perfect as you believe, what’s your hurry? Are you worried that she might meet someone else before you have a chance to ensnare her in your own web? If she hasn’t met someone before, chances are she won’t today or tomorrow. In fact, your bigger worry should be why she’s single if she’s such a great catch.

So just try to relax. And if you don’t hear from her by 8pm tomorrow night, Spike gives you permission to call, but only if you promise not to say something like, “you said you’d call and since I hadn’t heard from you yet I thought I should call you,” because all she’s going to hear is, “you’ve already broken your first promise to me and I thought I should point it out because if you date me I will never forget any slight, real or imagined, that you commit against me...EVER!” Instead, in your best normal-person-imitation voice, just say, “Hey, this is Sharon from the other night. I really enjoyed our conversation and I was wondering if you’d like to get together one night this week?” and then see where it goes from there.

To paraprase the Carpenters, Sharon (damn, why couldn't your name have been Karen? That would have been so much funnier.), if things work out you'll have a lifetime to say you knew her well, for only time can tell us so. Spike isn't sure that's really apt here, but he's been listening to the Carpenters all day and just wanted to share.

So ciao for now, my sweet!
Spike

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