The Tragic Saga of the Other Woman
Advice - Spike Sez offers no-nonsense, practical advice for the lovelorn, lost, and stupid. If you feel you fit into one of these categories and have a related question, submit it to spike@onlineoffbeat.com, and if he feels like it Spike may respond.
Spike is NOT a licensed therapist and has NO training whatsoever in psychology or human behavior, but as he frequently says, “the fucking President has no qualifications for his job either, and look how well he’s doing.”
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Anyway, onto the column...
Dear Spike — About 6 months ago I answered an online ad from a married guy who was looking for a blow job. It turned out he was really hot and he apparently liked the service I provided so we decided to meet again and it turned into a regular thing. Once a week he’d stop by on his way home from work for a little man-on-man action and I’d take care of him. But that’s as far as it went at first.
Then about 3 months ago his family went on vacation and he surprised me by inviting me out for drinks and dinner. We had a great time together and he ended up spending the night. He also fucked me for the first time that night.
Since then we’ve continued to get together for our weekly sessions and occasionally for a night out when he can get away. Now he even kisses me and he’s jerked me off a few times, though he says he’s not ready to do any more than that yet.
He’s a really great guy. Very handsome and charming, very sexy, very hung, and smart to boot. He’s an absolute dream and I’ve fallen in love with him. Now I’m not sure what to do.
Should I tell him how I feel in hopes that maybe he feels the same way and would be willing to take things to another level, or should I just keep my mouth shut, so to speak, and keep on with the way things are? I’m afraid that if I scare him he might stop our weekly get-togethers and then I’ll lose out on some really hot sex.
Thanks.
— The Other (Wo)Man, Braintree, MA
Dear Other — Ho says what? Gee, it must really suck being you. Almost as much as say....oh, maybe being your fuck buddy’s wife?
Spike is of two minds about this. On the one hand, you freely entered into this relationhip with a full knowledge of the circumstances (ie. that he was married and that he was just looking to get his rocks off), so you really have no right to try to change the rules now. On the other hand, the guy’s cheating on his wife and kids and you’re a dirty, filthy whore, so you may as well go for broke and try to steal him away from his family as well.
Ultimately, however, Spike believes that even a whore should be a professional whore, so that means you should say nothing. Just because the two of you have developed a level of intimacy and you have some twisted fantasy of building a life with this guy gives you no right to try to switch things up on him. That’s the cross the other woman has to bear. You don’t fuck with the guy’s real life.
But there’s a bigger issue here, Other. You’re helping this guy cheat on his wife. Spike can already hear your defense: “Well, why shouldn’t I do it since someone else is going to if I don’t anyway?” Well, someone else is also going to buy the next Michael Buble album and Mitch Albom book, so does that mean it’s okay for you to buy them, too? Obviously not, because if everyone abdicates their own personal responsibility for good taste we court the apocalypse.
Spike thinks that the “veal metaphor” is apt here. Spike doesn’t eat veal (though he loves it) because the conditions in which veal calves are raised are abhorrent. Will Spike’s not eating veal bring the veal industry grinding to a halt? No, of course not, but it’s a choice he makes because it’s the right thing to do. It’s the same with married guys looking for a little homo fun on the side. If you stop smoking this guy’s sausage it’s not going to stop him from looking, and its not going to stop some other hungry homo from taking your place, but you will no longer be contributing to the problem. It would be the moral choice.
Now maybe you get off on the idea of helping a guy cheat on his wife and kids. In that case, you’re just an asshole and you really need to spend some time thinking about why you make the evil choices you do. Or maybe you’re just a submissive little piggy who gets off on servicing guys. There’s nothing wrong with that, but there are plenty of big-dicked, sexy, single gay and “straight” guys out there looking for some action, so why not find one (or a few) of them instead?
Because here’s the thing, Other: Aside from the fact that what you’re doing is selfish and morally reprehensible, if you continue with it, chances are that at some point down the road someone is going to get hurt. It’ll either be you when he gets bored and dumps you, or his wife when she catches an STD that he got from you, or him when he has to start making punitive alimony and child support payments. The likelihood of some peaches-and-cream-everybody’s-happy ending are very small.
But it’s your choice. You can either do the right thing, or you can continue being a greedy, self-centered cock whore, knowing that you’re likely going to bring a world of pain to some poor woman and her sweet, innocent children. Actually that last part sounds like a lot of fun, but you get the point.
So ciao for now,
Spike
DISCLAIMER: Spike and Online OffBeat take no responsibility whatsoever for advice given in Spike Sez. Submit questions at your own risk to spike@onlineoffbeat.com. If no questions are submitted, Spike will make them up.
