Mitt Needs More
Politics / Humor - GOP presidential candidate and Mormon Mitt Romney addressed graduates of Pat Robertson's evangelical Christian University, even though Robertson's Christian Broadcasting Network Web site describes Mormonism as a cult.
How far will Romney go to gain the favor of evangelical Christians? Apparently, not far enough. If he is going to succeed, he should consider doing the following:
• Propose making tobacco chewing an Olympic event.
• Offer an environmental program that includes solar-powered burning crosses.
• Insist that any affirmative action plan include heterosexual quotas for all Broadway musicals.
• Promise to ban all anesthetics since they are used in abortions.
• Provide certifiable documentation that none of his sperm has been ever used for recreational purposes (but only if it doesn’t cut into his in-breeder support in West Virginia).
• Emphasize his disbelief of evolution by debating a monkey with only minimal coaching (for Romney, not the monkey).
• Propose a No Student Left Behind in a Trailer Park education plan.
• Promise to appoint a commission to prove once and for all that wrestling is real.
• Pledge to deport all foreign-made robots.
• Pick a running mate who clearly represents “real American” values – whether David Duke wants the position or not.
