Unfortunately, my young friend, you were born about 35 years too late to experience Gay Pride in all its wonder. What you saw was a grim reanactment of its former glory, like an old whore tarted up to look fresh and new from a distance, but tired and worn the closer you get.

In his younger days Spike went to quite a few Pride events, and like you, at first his expectation ran high. The more he saw, however, the more disenchanted he became and eventually he stopped going. As you noted about this year, the parades were always boring. They lacked cohesive themes, grandeur, and entertainment value. And the rest of the day’s events fell into two categories: touchy feely, PBS-style gatherings on Boston Common, or frenzied drug- and drink-fueled partying, neither of which was quite a fit for young Spike (though he obviously preferred the latter).

The events on the Common kind of felt like going to a Unitarian church. Everyone seemed all well intentioned and nice, but the spirit and passion were missing. On the other end of the spectrum, the block party just seemed like an excuse for guys to demonstrate how much time they’d been spending at the gym or tanning salon and how much Ecstasy they could consume before falling into a coma. While Spike is all for excessive drinking and illicit drug use, he just can’t abide any activity that threatens his vampiric pallor.

Conceptually Spike has had issues with the whole idea of Gay Pride for a while now. First of all there’s no such thing as a gay community. It’s not like we all think alike or have the same life experiences just because we’re all gay. And it’s not like we have monthly meetings or a newsletter or anything (unless Spike just isn’t on the mailing list). The reality is that gay people come in many varieties. Some are rich, some are poor. Some are white collar, some are blue collar. We encompass all ages, shapes, ethnicities, religions, social classes, and political persuasions, and most times our values are shaped more by those things than the fact that we all happen to be homos. It’s disingenuous to suggest that there is any significant commonality that binds us all together and that we are a genuine community.

Second of all, events like the parade have lost their meaning.

Clearly when Pride (or more accurately the parades) started there was a purpose: visibility. It was an opportunity to show the rest of the world that we existed in numbers they hadn’t imagined and that we weren’t willing to stay hidden any longer. It was a way to make a statement: the whole “We’re here, we’re queer, get used to it” thing.

And when AIDS became an epidemic, Pride events drew people together around the issue. Again there was a value because it allowed gay people to say, “We’re not willing to accept the government’s silence on this plague which is afflicting so many of us.” Fighting AIDS became a rallying point, and in Spike’s opinion, Pride events served an invaluable purpose: they put actual faces on the disease, raised awareness, helped educate, and drew support.

But now what’s the point? And just so Spike can’t be accused of being a self-hating queer, he should point out that he feels the same way about St. Patrick’s Day parades and their ilk. They’ve outlived their usefulness. Spike is half Irish, but does he really feel the need to march to celebrate the fact that he’s descended from a pack of war-mongering potato farmers? The Irish have achieved as much equality as they can handle. Let it go.

So is Spike suggesting that Gay Pride just disappear? No. Just that it needs to evolve so that it’s relevant. There are still a lot of problems facing gay people: marriage inequality; a huge drug problem; AIDS (though that has obviously moved far beyond the gay world); and prejudice. Gay Pride does serve as a yearly reminder that those problems still exist and that’s valuable because it spurs financial and political support. But visibility is no longer one of our problems. You can’t turn on the TV or see a movie now without seeing gay people or gay characters. Pride as it currently exists has long passed its “sell by date." But that doesn’t mean it couldn’t become something of value...or fun...again.

On the value side, things like Black History Month are great. Their purpose is to educate people about the significant contributions various groups have made to the world. Cultural events like the Italian Festival in the North End are also great because they keep alive and celebrate the cultural heritage and uniqueness of individual groups that are in danger of being lost. Gay people have made invaluable cultural, scientific, political, etc... contributions to the world. Why not put together an event that actually celebrates those and educates people?

Okay, so that has the potential of being a real snore, so why not just decide that the whole thing is just for fun and put on a hellacious good party? Mardi Gras is a great example of that. What started out as a last celebration before lent has turned into a massive entertainment spectacle. It is now a cultural event. Yes, it’s also an excuse for a lot of people to get together and misbehave, but at it’s core it’s a celebration of the culture of New Orleans (which essentially is about people getting together and misbehaving). It’s also a huge economic boon for the city.

Pride could be that. In fact, in Sydney it was...for a while. Our Aussie brothers and sisters understood that if you throw a good party everyone will come and that that’s a great way to break down barriers. A few years ago the Sydney Pride Parade drew over two million spectators and participants from around the world. Unfortunately there are apparently no good gay accountants so they got in a little over their heads, but they had the right idea...or ONE right idea.

Let's face it, over time things become regimented, calcified and ossified. What starts out as a good idea that inspires lots of grassroots energy and creativity eventually becomes rote. Committees are formed and budgets are set and Instead of coming up with new, fresh ideas, they roll out the same things year after year because they worked once in 1972. In Spike’s opinion, that’s what’s happened to Pride...at least in Boston.

Spike supposes that for some who came out of the dark ages when homosexuality was necessarily hidden, Pride still has some power. They still feel empowered by the visibility. But for most of us it really serves no purpose anymore. It’s just a yearly ritual, like a Joan Rivers’ face lift...and like that face lift, it’s really not working that well anymore.

Pride needs to decide what it wants to be now that it’s grown up. Or maybe it needs to stop being grown up. The reality is that new ideas come from younger people. The older you get the more you rely on what’s worked before. You stop taking risks and trying new things. Maybe it’s time for the old guard to step down and turn over the reins to a new generation and let them re-interpret what Pride is all about from scratch. Of course there are risks in turning things over to a generation of tubby, electronic-device-obsessed Ritalin addicts, but hey, they couldn’t make it any more boring.

So Young Queer, Spike suggests that you take your disappointment with this year’s Pride events as a call to action. If you think there’s value in celebrating Gay Pride, then find a way to do it that’s more meaningful (or entertaining). Prove to the rest of us that you and your contemporaries aren’t just a bunch of useless, Paris Hilton wannabes.

Or if you don’t feel up to that challenge, then go to the gym, bleach your hair, start smoking crystal meth and get a fake ID and I’m sure you’ll find Pride a lot more enjoyable...at least for a few years.

Ciao for now,
Spike

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