One if by English - Two if by Español
Humor - Americans have always viewed our founding fathers as a heartier breed. Our country’s first multitaskers raised families, crops, and a militia. Paul Revere had the mettle to reach Concord without stopping at Starbucks, going to yoga class, and checking his Blackberry.
Still, we should not sell ourselves short. The challenges of 21st century living would be difficult for the stoutest of Colonial folks. Customer service is just one example.
City of Philadelphia, 1751: Dear Whitechapel Bell Foundry: The Liberty bell we ordered last year was delivered today. It is a fine looking crate, but when will you be installing it?
Whitechapel Bell Foundry, 1752: Your business is very important to us. We regret to inform you that our Colonial field support engineer recently quit and is now servicing butter churns in Rhode Island. Please refer to the enclosed installation and service manuals. If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to write. We will respond promptly within one or two years.
Philadelphia, 1753: We received the documentation. Unfortunately, it is written in Italian, a language unfamiliar to all of our indentured workers. What gives? Are you really located in England or have you outsourced your product support to Tuscany?
Foundry, 1754: Our sincerest apologies for sending you the wrong documentation. Enclosed are English instructions for Ye Deluxe Bell, model number 234y. Please write if you have any other questions. Our new Response Center has reduced our already-speedy service from 12 to 11 months.
Philadelphia, 1755: For crying out loud! We purchased Ye Deluxe Bell, model number 234x, not 234y. These manuals make no sense!
Foundry, 1756: Please note the only difference between model 234x and 234y is that 234y has been upgraded to work with Clapper, model 873f. Enclosed you will find an addendum to the Model number 234x manual that reflects these changes. Also enclosed is our spring 1757 catalogue: Bells, Bells, & More Bells.
Philadelphia, 1757: One of our city leaders Benjamin Franklin has informed us: “Energy and persistence conquer all things, but I’ll be damned if I can figure out these instructions!” We demand these issues be addressed immediately by your supervisor.
Foundry, 1758: Thank you for contacting the newly revamped Whitechapel Bell Foundry Support Department. Select checkbox (a) to order a bell, (b) for questions about billing issues, or (c) to order our fall 1759 catalogue: Bells, Bells, & Yet Even More Bells.
Philadelphia, 1759: The heck with you! We will assemble it ourselves.
Foundry, 1760: Suit yourselves, but remember: any cracking of the bell voids the warranty.
