Disco Dotty
Advice - Spike Sez offers no-nonsense, practical advice for the lovelorn, lost, and stupid. If you feel you fit into one of these categories and have a related question, submit it to spike@onlineoffbeat.com, and if he feels like it Spike may respond.
Spike is NOT a licensed therapist and has NO training whatsoever in psychology or human behavior, but as he frequently says, “the fucking President has no qualifications for his job either, and look how well he’s doing.” Spike Sez is not affiliated with Spike TV, Spike Lee, or anyone else purporting to be named Spike.
Dear Spike — How old is too old to go out to dance clubs? I’m a 50-year-old man and I still love going out dancing, but none of my friends the same age will go with me anymore. I’m beginning to wonder if maybe I’ve passed the point where it’s appropriate to be shaking my groove thang.
— Perpetual Dancing Queen, Boston
Dear Perpetual — How old is too old to go out to dance clubs? One is NEVER too old to go to dance clubs...just to do it with dignity. Look over your right shoulder. You see that things that looks kind of like a monkey having an epileptic seizure about 15 years behind you? That’s what’s left of your dignity. Not pretty, is it?
Now does that mean you should stop going to dance clubs? Not necessarily. Spike supposes it depends on the size of your Social Security checks. You see, Perpetual, there’s actually a hallowed tradition of older gay men who continue to haunt the clubs long after they should be at home watching reruns of “Murder, She Wrote,” and these men are not only accepted, but sometimes even venerated on the scene...so long as they continue to buy drinks for all the young hotties and give up the second time someone rejects one of their desperate, awkward sexual advances. These toothless benefactors can usually be found holding court at the end of the bar or in a corner booth, surrounded by inexplicably cute guys and with a pile of crisp twenties stacked in front of them. So long as you don’t mind becoming one of these sugar trolls, by all means, keep going to the clubs. But stay off the dance floor unless your nurse has to push your wheelchair across it to get to the bathroom.
As for whether it’s inappropriate for you to shake your “groove thang” at all? No, of course not. So long as you don’t break a hip you should dance whenever the inspiration strikes...in the privacy of your own home...alone...with the curtains closed...and the lights REALLY REALLY dim...because no one should EVER have to see a 50-year-old man dance unless it’s a waltz or his last name is Baryshnikov.
Best of luck, Wrinkle Toes!
Ciao for now,
Spike
Spike is NOT a licensed therapist and has NO training whatsoever in psychology or human behavior, but as he frequently says, “the fucking President has no qualifications for his job either, and look how well he’s doing.” DISCLAIMER: Spike and Online OffBeat take no responsibility whatsoever for advice given in Spike Sez. Submit questions at your own risk to spike@onlineoffbeat.com. If no questions are submitted, Spike will make them up.
