Political Shorts - 6
Politics / Humor - Top Stories
General David Petraeus could not have appreciated being called “General Betray Us” in a full-page ad placed by Moveon.org in the New York Times. Perhaps it’s time for him to step down and promote his able assistant, Major Calvin P. Cutandrun.
Sen. Hillary Clinton announced she’ll return $850,000 in campaign donations solicited by Norman Hsu -- but only after spending one more evening rolling around naked in it.
Critics claiming that Fred Thompson is too lazy to run for president point out that since beginning his campaign bus tour on Thursday, he’s been averaging only three campaign stops a day. However, Thompson said that didn’t include trips to Disneyland, the Grand Canyon, and Branson Missouri.
President Bush’s latest catch-phrase for staying in Iraq is “Return on success,” which narrowly beat out “I’ll show you, Dad!”
Mess-achusetts Musings
Suffolk D.A. Daniel Conley further inflamed his turf war with Boston Police Commissioner Edward Davis when he placed the State Police in charge of investigating homicides on MBTA buses, trains, stations, and platforms. Said one Boston detective: “They can have the murderers, but please don’t take our public urinators!”
The FBI released a photograph and a video of a couple bearing a striking resemblance to FBI's “Ten Most Wanted” fugitives Whitey Bulger and his longtime girlfriend, Catherine Greig. The photo also looks just like the one in Bulger’s MySpace profile.
Small Street Journal
In his just-released memoir, former Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan criticizes President Bush and Republicans for their out-of-control spending that created record deficits. A Bush spokesman said their response to the charges will be released just as soon as the White House calligraphist finishes etching it on a solid-gold plate.
Inside Scoop
If elected president, Tom Tancredo’s immigration plan would involve deporting every Hispanic in the United States except Salma Hayek, Cameron Diaz, Jennifer Lopez, Eva Longoria, and José Jiménez.
Media Bites
At tonight’s Emmy Awards, Al Gore will receive an “interactive television services” Emmy, a noncompetitive award for his online video venture “Current TV” – guaranteeing the introduction speech will be as boring as the acceptance speech.
Weekly prediction
The Democratic Party will try to appeal to Red State voters by sponsoring the first Prius in a NASCAR race.
