Political Shorts – 8
Politics / Humor - Top Stories
During the latest Democratic debate in New Hampshire, leading White House candidates could not guarantee to pull all U.S. combat troops from Iraq by 2013 -- or as it is now being called: the nuanced response heard round the world.
A lawyer representing some inmates at Guantánamo Bay, Cuba says he has been prohibited from giving his clients such items as Speedo swimsuits and Under Armour briefs. Authorities, however, claim that before interrogations, prisoners receive the option of being tortured in boxers or briefs.
In his just-released autobiography, “My Grandfather's Son,” Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas attempts to set the record straight about his contentious nomination hearings. For example, what actually impressed him about Long Dong Silver was the porn star’s ability to use service station rest rooms without leaving his car.
The airport men’s room where Sen. Larry Craig was arrested has undergone renovations. Changes include:
• Each stall has a TV broadcasting Fox News.
• The middle stall has been endowed by George Michael.
• Translators fluent in Spanish and French hand signals are now on duty.
• Thursday is Bojangles tap night.
Mess-achusetts Musings
Father and son contractors from Marshfield were indicted for stealing $250,000 by rigging their scales to inflate the amount of debris they hauled away from the Big Dig project. The defendants claimed the discrepancy didn’t take into consideration the added weight of Whitey Bulger’s victims.
Small Street Journal
The Topps Meat Company is recalling 21.7 million pounds of ground beef that may be contaminated with E. coli bacteria, most of which was delivered by father and son contractors from Marshfield, Massachusetts.
Media Bites
According to Forbes.com, Oprah Winfrey, who earned an estimated $260 million last year, is the richest celebrity on television. This total is expected to increase to $300 million when she puts Dr. Phil out to stud.
Inside Scoop
Before meeting with his foreign policy advisors, Fred Thompson was prepared to demand the removal of the Berlin Wall.
Weekly prediction
President Bush will declare his appeal to end global warming a success after noticing an increase in Halloween trick-or-treaters dressed as polar bears.
