Political Shorts – 14
Politics / Humor -Top Stories
In a speech to the Federalist Society, Rudy Giuliani said judicial nominees should be judged on their qualifications, honesty, and integrity, not their judicial philosophy. As an example, he mentioned his personal driver, Larry who just made dean’s list at the University of Bahamas Online Law School.
Undecided voters were allowed to ask questions at Thursday night's Democratic presidential debate. Here are some that CNN didn’t use:
• Which one of you is John Edwards?
• Senator Dodd, what is your exit strategy for getting U.S. troops out of Iran?
• Senator Clinton, under your health care plan, will I be covered for asbestos pantsuit chafe?
• Senator Biden, should illegal immigrants be allowed to be driving instructors?
• Senator Obama bin Laden, do you think the country is ready for its first terrorist president?
Mitt Romney promised to cut federal funding for cities and states that tolerate illegal immigration. He would also make it a federal offense to say any word in English while rolling your tongue.
Bay State Bombast
William C. Van Faasen, the chairman and chief executive of Blue Cross and Blue Shield of Massachusetts, was paid $16.4 million in retirement benefits in January 2006, even though he only stepped down as chief executive while retaining his position as chairman. However, Blue Cross said Van Faasen is no longer carried to and from work in a company sedan chair by four male nurses.
Small Street Journal
Scientists in Oregon claim to have cloned monkey embryos, a major step toward creating the perfect man for women who dig hairy guys.
Media Bites
Former book publishing wonder girl Judith Regan filed a $100 million defamation lawsuit against News Corp., claiming they tried to destroy her reputation. Oddly enough, “defaming and destroying people’s reputations” is also News Corp.’s motto.
Inside Scoop
After prevaricating his position on illegal immigrants and driver’s licenses at Thursday night’s debate, Barack Obama fired his chief political strategist, Norm Crosby.
Weekly Prediction
After promising to rebuild the Justice Department, President Bush will outsource all of its responsibilities to Blackwater’s newly-formed Crime Minimization Division
