Blame me, I'm from Massachusetts
Politics / Humor - Liberal sports fans from Massachusetts, rejoice! The Red Sox and Patriots are dominating sports that right wingers equate with God, country, and patriotic pickup truck commercials.
If Tom Brady can pick apart a Dallas Cowboy defense without mussing his metrosexual mane, can a Country Western Music award for Jonathan Papelbon be far behind?
Bill Belichick’s tough no-nonsense style makes conservatives wonder if he’s Dick Cheney’s other distant cousin, but his lack of communication skills are pure Dukakis and Kerry.
Even a former (when he ran for state office) and future (if he wins the nomination) moderate politician like Mitt Romney is showing Red State America how to run as a conservative candidate.
When Boston Mayor Tom Menino injured his leg trying to hoist the World Series Trophy, he sent a message to right wingers: Limp knee liberals may not be buffed, but they make up for it with brains, organization, and hidden (most of the time) video surveillance.
Who cares if Massachusetts is more concerned about driving without seatbelts than gun racks? It’s only a matter of time before a Cambridge food COOP-sponsored NASCAR team and its bean sprout/electric-powered hybrid vehicle wins the Daytona 500.
Conservatives think Massachusetts stem cell policies are unholy because they don't reference the New Testament. They may reconsider when MIT grad students begin cloning a team of Bobby Orrs.
Wellesley College alumnae and natural southpaw Hillary Clinton has been swinging from the right side since declaring her presidential candidacy. Accusing her opponents, Republican and Democratic, of piling on proves she can mix metaphors and mix it up with the best of them.
An outraged Red State America has condemned the town of Lexington for including “Heather Has Two Mommies” in its school curriculum. Wait until Heather grows up, leads BC to a national basketball championship, and signs a sperm bank endorsement contract.
Some Republican politicians have tried to go both ways (politically and otherwise) with limited success. Rudy Giuliani jumped on and off the Red Sox band wagon without damaging his hamstrings or reputation. But his three marriages and liberal positions on social issues make it unlikely he’ll be snapping towels with Dr. James C. Dobson.
Massachusetts liberals are arrogant and elitist for many reasons. Among them: History usually proves them right (see Richard Nixon and Vietnam, and George W. Bush and everything he’s touched); Self-Importance and Superiority are the most popular majors at Harvard; and It’s hard to take GOP presidential candidate Rep. Duncan Hunter seriously when the New England Patriot defensive line could run over and around his vaunted Mexico/USA border fence.
Will someone or something ever wipe the all-knowing smug expression off the “Bluest State’s” face? Probably when a Piggly Wiggly in Alabama begins stocking tofu grits.
Until that day, liberals nestled safely their sanctuary cities, can sit back with their life companions, knock down a few organic teas, watch their Patriots kick some serious Red State butt, and proudly proclaim: “Blame me, I'm from Massachusetts!”
