Political Shorts – 16
Politics / Humor -Top Story
Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney will give a speech at the George Bush Presidential Library in College Station, Texas this week, explaining his Mormon faith. In order to reach out to evangelical Christians, Romney will begin his talk with: “Ich bin ein Okie from Muskogee.”
Top five headlines from a Giuliani presidential administration:
• Air Force One flies First Lady to jazzercise class
• Air Force One flies First Mistress to jazzercise class
• Attorney General Bernard Kerik sworn in at his Rikers Island cell/office
• White House intruders identified as president’s children from second marriage
• Government olive oil contract awarded to Giuliani Partners
Keith Kerr, the retired gay Army colonel who, during the CNN/YouTube Republican Debate, asked the candidates about their views on gays in the military, turned out to be connected to the Clinton campaign. The Clinton campaign responded: “Thank God! We thought it was Barbra Streisand without her makeup.”
In an address on national security at the University of Colorado, former Attorney General John Ashcroft said he’d be willing to be waterboarded. To which his wife replied: “And yet he refuses to take out the trash.”
Bay State Bombast
House Speaker Sal DiMasi saved taxpayers over $40,000 by using campaign funds to renovate his office. The most expensive piece of new furniture is a velvet ottoman shaped like a squatting lobbyist.
Small Street Journal
Twenty-three-year-old Zhang Zilin was crowned Miss World 2007. She is also the first Miss World to be made of at least 45 percent lead.
Patti Smart has retired after working as an Aloha Airlines stewardess for 50 years. Asked what the biggest change in flying was since she began, she replied, “In the early days, the only flotation devices on board were the fat passengers.”
Media Bites
Don Imus returned to the airwaves with a new cast that includes two black comedians. And if he gets out of line again, he promised to return with three black gay comedians.
Inside Scoop
The would-be bomber at Hillary Clinton’s Rochester, NH campaign headquarters surrendered only after the Senator threatened to “make you my next Vince Foster.”
Weekly Prediction
Mike Huckabee will win the Iowa Caucus after he declares: “I’m the only candidate who believes in Santa Claus.”
