Political Shorts – 17
Politics / Humor -Top Stories
While working for television evangelist James Robison, Mike Huckabee said he made himself sound more knowledgeable by reading issues of Reader’s Digest. In fact, he prepped for his last debate while waiting to get his teeth cleaned.
Shortly before she married Bill Clinton, Hillary Rodham tried to enlist in the Marines. She was rejected when a recruiter told her, “You're too old, you can't see, and you're a woman.” Or as Bill calls that: “My closing-time dream date.”
The Republican presidential candidates held a debate on the Spanish language network Univision. Here are the five least-subtle pandering statements made:
• Fred Thompson -- If elected president, I will declare salsa to be the national condiment.
• Mitt Romney -- No one should be allowed to be a citizen of this country unless they can speak English or operate a leaf blower.
• John McCain -- Now Freddy Prinze, there was a comedian!
• Mike Huckabee -- Pardoning Pablo Escobar would’ve been the Christian thing to do.
• Rudy Giuliani -- I’d send a limo half way around the world to pick up Rita Moreno.
In 1992, Mike Huckabee advocated isolating AIDS patients from the general public and opposed increased federal funding in the search for a cure, saying homosexuality could “pose a dangerous public health risk.” However, he did propose decreasing Arkansas Medicaid fees on leeches and exorcisms.
Thousands of fans came out to see Oprah Winfrey and Barack Obama at political rallies. The only tense moment occurred when the crowed realized that Grey's Anatomy, actor Eric “Dr. Mark ‘McSteamy’ Sloan” Dane wasn’t scheduled to be on with Oprah until Monday.
Bay State Bombast
A longshoreman pleaded guilty in Suffolk Superior Court to putting his 4-year-old son on the Massport payroll as a heavy equipment operator. The son is now in kindergarten where he is learning to spell and collecting unemployment.
Small Street Journal
Balducci's grocery store in Manhattan mistakenly advertised hams as “Delicious for Chanukah.” Jennifer Barton, director of marketing, apologized but added, “I have to admit, they taste great with our Easter matzoh”
Media Bites
The U.S. Postal Service announced a Frank Sinatra postage stamp will be issued next spring. The stamp will also come with a Jilly Rizzo stamp that must be placed next to it.
Inside Scoop
Most of the footage in the torture videotapes destroyed by the CIA consisted of prisoners being forced to listen to Barry Manilow albums.
Weekly Prediction
After falling further behind Mike Huckabee in the polls -- even after his generally well-received speech about religion and faith -- Mitt Romney will switch directions and claim he is the love child of atheist Madalyn Murray O'Hair.
