Political Shorts - 20 -- Year in Review
Politics / Humor - Top Stories of 2007
• Nicole Kidman denies she is pregnant.
• Mitt Romney announces he believes Nicole Kidman is pregnant. One week later, he says he believes she isn’t, claiming his opinion has evolved.
• Hillary Clinton refuses to acknowledge she was wrong when she said she believed Nicole Kidman was pregnant.
• Rudy Giuliani admits authorizing a police escort for Nicole Kidman to buy a First Response Pregnancy Test Kit at a Long Island drug store.
• Barack Obama pledges to unite people who think Nicole Kidman is pregnant and people who think she made up the story for publicity.
• Mike Huckabee criticizes other candidates for “politicizing Ms. Kidman’s situation,” saying, “This is just between her, Jesus Christ, and the NRA.”
• John Edwards criticizes the Nicole Kidman pregnancy gossip as another example of “the inequities between A-list and B-list celebrities.
• Joe Biden refuses to comment on whether he thinks Nicole Kidman is pregnant, “This country is going to hell in a hand basket, and not one reporter has asked me about Jamie Lynn Spears!”
• Fred Thompson refuses to say whether he thinks Nicole Kidman is pregnant, but acknowledges, “I may have gotten smashed at a cast party and done God knows what. If so, I’ll do the gentlemanly thing and marry her.”
• Dennis Kucinich refuses to take a position on Nicole Kidman’s possible pregnancy, saying, “Why should I care? My wife is hotter and taller.”
Bay State Bombast
Deval Patrick, Massachusetts’ first black governor was inaugurated. Patrick, whose well-organized grassroots campaign and lofty rhetoric swept him into office, hit the ground crawling and has been barely heard from since.
Small Street Journal
No business story in 2007 was bigger than the subprime scandal. It has left countless desperate and angry homeowners asking one thing: “Do you think Nicole Kidman has a fixed or adjustable rate mortgage?”
Media Bites
The further blending of the Internet and television in 2007 has paved the way for the next great media advancement in 2008: the CNN/YouTube State of the Union address.
Inside Scoop
During Oprapalooza, Barack Obama’s security people had standing orders to shoot the talk show host with a tranquilizer dart if she offered to give the crowd even one Kai Body Butter and Body Buffer.
2008 Prediction
The result of the 2008 presidential race will come down to a last-minute endorsement by Larry King.
