Political Shorts – 21
Politics / Humor - Top Stories
The Iowa Caucuses – What have we learned?
• Mike Huckabee has proven there’s one thing Jesus wouldn’t do: charge exorbitant consulting fees to help a Republican win.
• Bill Clinton thought selling the country on the idea of universal health care was tough -- until he tried to sell Iowa on the idea of Hillary as president.
• “Mitt Romney spent millions of dollars in Iowa and all he got was this lousy T-shirt.”
• Barack Obama has a powerful and inspirational message: “I am not Hillary Clinton.”
• John Edwards could crash into the sun and still not catch fire.
The New Hampshire Primary – What will we learn?
• Mitt Romney reached the end of the road. Or has he more positions than a triple-jointed contortionist?
• Evangelical Christian voters from Iowa will be disappointed when their favorite candidate addresses a group of “Nashua Pagans for Huckabee.”
• It takes the average Wellesley College undergraduate years of counseling to erase the trauma of canvassing door-to-door one weekend for alumna Hillary Clinton.
• Barack Obama’s message of hope will be enough to win over New Hampshire voters. Or will he need to dip into Oprah’s swag bag?
• The Granite State will be the biggest test for Ron Paul. Can his blimp make it over Mt. Washington?
Bay State Bombast
It’s been 13 years since gangster Whitey Bulger disappeared. The FBI continues to look for him, and the city of Boston is giving him one more year to return before terminating his no-show job.
Small Street Journal
Former senators John Breaux (D-La.) and Trent Lott (R-Miss.) are opening a bipartisan lobbying firm. It’s the perfect solution for clients with bipartisan back pockets.
Media Bites
Democratic presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich filed a complaint with the FCC after ABC News excluded him from its Iowa debates. A network spokesman would only comment, “We wouldn't have had this problem if his wife agreed to wear the halter top.”
Inside Scoop
Rudy Giuliani’s advisors have convinced him not take credit for the absence of terrorist attacks on New Hampshire’s Lake Winnipesaukee.
Weekly Prediction
If Bill Richardson finishes out of the running in New Hampshire, his campaign will unveil a new slogan: “Will Serve as Secretary of State for Food.”
