Political Shorts – 22
Politics / Humor - Top Stories
Dennis Kucinich, who won less than 2 percent of the vote in the New Hampshire primary, is asking for a recount. Kucinich is suggesting possible voter fraud, but there may be other reasons for his low number of votes:
• He’s Dennis Kucinich.
• Members of “Short People for Kucinich” couldn’t reach his button on the voting machines.
• Experts underestimated the ability of “Vegans for Hillary” to get out the vote.
• People can’t get the image of Eleanor Roosevelt with a pierced tongue stud out of their heads.
• He’s Dennis Kucinich.
Hillary Clinton advisor Sidney Blumenthal was arrested the day before the New Hampshire primary in Nashua, N.H. on a charge of drunken driving -- just minutes after he announced Clinton was beating Obama among 18-39-year-old moose.
While campaigning in Michigan, Mitt Romney paid a visit to Gloria Blazo, his 78-year-old first-grade teacher. Romney said in many ways he’s still the same kid he was then -- although he now favors water-boarding as punishment for talking in class.
Bill Clinton accused Barack Obama of telling a “fairy tale” about his opposition to the Iraq war. Obama responded: “In retrospect, I shouldn’t have prefaced my position with ‘Once upon a time.’”
Bay State Bombast
A 14-month audit by the Boston Police Department’s Hyde Park drug warehouse revealed 700 cases of missing drug evidence -- not to mention the contents of Roger Clemens’ old Fenway Park locker.
Small Street Journal
Bank of America has bought mortgage lender Countrywide Home Loans. To encourage fewer loan defaults, BOA is also changing the company’s jingle to “Countrywide will tan your hide.”
Media Bites
CNN talk show host Glenn Beck has been crusading against the health care system after he had a less-than-perfect hemorrhoid operation. Unfortunately, the only thing his ranting is guaranteed to shrink is his ratings.
Inside Scoop
When Fred Thompson delivers a written speech, every other line begins with a note to himself reading: “WAKE UP!!!”
Weekly Prediction
Hillary Clinton will have more explaining to do after claiming she could make a better salad than Caesar Chavez.
