Political Shorts – 23
Politics / Humor - Top Stories
The Bush administration is about to announce the overhaul of FEMA. Among the changes:
• To eliminate confusion, disaster victims will be told to flee their homes in alphabetical order.
• If relief does not arrive for flood victims within a reasonable amount of time, Anderson Cooper can be used as a floatation device.
• People living in FEMA trailers must also be provided with biohazard pajamas.
• President Bush must be notified within six months upon the commencement of a major emergency response.
• FEMA’s toll-free emergency phone line has added the following item to its menu of options: “Press 9 to find out if anybody is in charge.”
John McCain has won the South Carolina Primary, proving that American is ready for new leadership.
Hillary Clinton has won the Nevada Democratic caucuses, proving that American is ready for new leadership.
Mitt Romney has won the Nevada Republican caucuses, proving that American is ready for new leadership.
Mitt Romney and Hillary Clinton won the Nevada Republican and Democratic caucuses -- to which voters responded: “Double or nothing.”
While campaigning in South Carolina, Mike Huckabee said the government should stay out of disputes over the Confederate flag. He also said Confederate Civil War Reenactors should be allowed to use live ammunition.
Bay State Bombast
Gov. Deval Patrick has been spending time in South Carolina campaigning for Barack Obama. He is emphasizing Obama’s ability to bring together people who are inspired by charismatic speakers and people who are moved by inspirational orators.
Small Street Journal
GE Money, which manages in-store credit-card programs for the majority of U.S. retailers, is missing a backup tape containing credit-card information from hundreds of U.S. retailers. In a related move, GE has changed its slogan to: “We bring good thieves to life.”
Media Bites
CNN's chief national correspondent, John King, an Irish Catholic, is converting to Judaism before marrying fellow correspondent Dana Bash. King commented, “Besides getting a great gal, I also get to control the world media.”
Inside Scoop
Winning the Florida Primary is so important for Rudy Giuliani, he’s hired a team of linguists whose only job is to teach him how to say “Howdy y’all” in Yiddish.
Weekly Prediction
Bill Clinton will further enrage the Obama camp when he announces he’ll be subbing for one of Gladys Knight’s Pips.
