Political Shorts – 26
Politics / Humor - Top Stories
On Saturday, Barack Obama easily swept the Louisiana, Washington, and Nebraska presidential contests. Key factors included:
• Louisiana -- Hillary Clinton should never have said, “President Johnson’s Great Society programs were partially responsible for Fats Domino’s piano style.”
• Nebraska -- Hillary Clinton should never have said, “President Johnson’s Great Society programs were partially responsible for the popularity of corn on the cob.”
• Washington -- Hillary Clinton should never have said, “President Johnson’s Great Society programs were partially responsible for rainy weather and the Windows operating system.”
After winning the Kansas caucuses, Mike Huckabee said, “I didn't major in math. I majored in miracles, and I still believe in them.” His next miracle: President McCain appoints him Secretary of Freebies.
Dick Cheney joined with lawmakers in signing a Supreme Court brief that goes further in support of gun rights than the one submitted by the Bush administration. He then boarded an F-16 fighter jet to go pheasant hunting.
In a speech, President Bush said electing Barack Obama or Hillary Clinton would threaten “prosperity and peace.” Asked to respond, John McCain said, “Ronald Reagan.”
Bay State Bombast
How can Mitt Romney go back to Massachusetts after dissing it for two years? Here are some suggestions:
• Fund a scholarship for modeling school.
• Sponsor a state law that prevents anyone from asking, “Do you have a Staples Reward card?”
• Release the rest of the landscapers from his basement.
• Memorize Kerry Healey’s name.
• Ask the selectmen from his hometown Belmont to declare the town a sanctuary affluent community.
Small Street Journal
According to an Associated Press-Ipsos poll, 61 percent of the public believes the economy is in a recession. An elated President Bush said, “That means the glass is 39 percent full."
Media Bites
MSNBC anchor David Shuster was suspended for saying the Clinton campaign had “pimped out” daughter Chelsea by having her call Democratic Party “superdelegates” on her mother’s behalf. An outraged Fox News executive demanded, “Why didn’t we think of that?”
Inside Scoop
To rein in Chris Matthews, MSNBC has forced the “Hardball” host to wear a shock collar that gives him a jolt of electricity if he says “Hillary” more than three times a second.
Weekly Prediction
Barack Obama will categorically deny his college roommate was Pablo Escobar.
