Political Shorts – 27
Politics / Humor - Top Stories
Struggling to close a $4.4 billion deficit, New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer has proposed making drug dealers pay tax on their illegal drugs. Here are some other taxes and fees the governor should consider:
• Prostitutes are levied a graduated booty tax, which would depend on how much junk they’re packing in their trunk.
• Salespeople must buy a license to sell fake Rolex watches out of a car.
• Squeegee men must charge a 10 percent tax on each vehicle which can be collected by threatening to urinate on it.
• Crack addicts will pay an excise tax on all valuables stolen to supply their habit. Amy Winehouse will be charged double.
• Police must pay a tax on all bribes and payoffs, but can deduct the cost of laundering dirty cash. There is also a 10 percent reduction if your name is Serpico.
President George H.W. Bush has endorsed John McCain -- but only after son Neil emerged from a Bangkok brothel and announced he wasn’t running.
In the Netherlands, people protested outside a theater where a 104-year-old singer who once performed for Adolf Hitler sang for the first time in four decades. He didn’t help his cause when he goose-stepped across the stage using a walker.
Songwriter Tom Scholz of the band Boston told Mike Huckabee to stop using the band’s song “More Than a Feeling” without his permission. Huckabee said “I have more than a feeling I’m going to get sued.”
Bay State Bombast
People have been auditioning at the FELT nightclub in Boston to become contestants on NBC’s reality show, “The Biggest Loser.” So far, the leading candidates are a 400-pound guy and Mitt Romney.
Small Street Journal
Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke said, “The outlook for the economy has worsened in recent months and the downside risks to growth have increased.” On the bright side, there’s never been a better time to invest in soup kitchens.
Media Bites
People downloaded more than one million free copies of Suze Orman’s “Women & Money” after Oprah Winfrey announced it would be available on her Web site. Orman’s lesson number one: How to get Oprah to market your crap.
Inside Scoop
After losing the Potomac primaries by big numbers, Hillary Clinton fired her 32nd personality consultant.
Weekly Prediction
If Barack Obama’s rallies get any bigger, he’ll be forced to announce his new band leader before his new cabinet.
