Political Shorts – 28
Politics / Humor - Top Stories
Ralph Nader announced he will run for president as a third-party candidate. Here are some possible campaign slogans:
• Yeah, it’s me again.
• My suit will be ready on day one.
• Admit it, you’ve wondered what it would be like if I were in charge.
• Can you spare some change we can believe in?
• If I don’t win this time, my relatives will have me committed.
The Bush administration announced U.S. telecommunications companies have agreed to cooperate “for the time being” with spy agencies’ wiretaps -- as long as surveillance targets agree to a two-year service contract that includes phone, cable, and Internet.
John McCain denied his campaign is being run by lobbyists -- during his daily Verizon press conference and before his Sealy Posturepedic nap.
Officials announced that George W. Bush’s presidential library will be housed at Southern Methodist University in Dallas, costing hundreds of millions of dollars in private donations. Or about $250 million per book.
Bay State Bombast
Two Lowell lawmakers have proposed the state monitor sex offenders on probation with global positioning systems. A less expensive option is to sign them to NFL contracts and have the New England Patriots videotape them.
Small Street Journal
A Virgin Atlantic jumbo jet, traveling from London to the Netherlands, flew the world’s first commercial flight fueled by a bio-jet blend including babassu oil and coconut oil. Other flights will be powered by Creamy Italian and Ranch.
Media Bites
The White House accused The New York Times on of continually trying to “drop a bombshell” on Republican presidential nominees like John McCain. The spokesman added, “Traditionally, that’s been Karl Rove’s job.”
Inside Scoop
The government intentionally crashed that $1.2B B-2 stealth bomber in Guam for the insurance money.
Weekly Prediction
In a last-ditch attempt to win the Democratic presidential nomination, Hillary Clinton will claim Barack Obama is not an African American, but is the illegitimate son of George Hamilton.
