First of all you can’t look at people with children as a barometer of how well you handle stress, because chances are they’re brain-dead. Plus they’re at a whole different stress level from the rest of us. For them, things like a leaky roof or busted transmission are minor annoyances compared to trying to provide food and clothing, paying for family health insurance, making sure their kids aren’t planning to gun down any classmates, and putting away money for college. They are like the Yodas to our Luke Skywalkers. They’ve developed a mastery of regular stress that we can’t even begin to comprehend.

(Note: Spike is NOT talking about those assholes in places like Newton, Wellesley and Weston who just have kids as fashion accessories. Those people are completely fucked up. The only reason they can get through the day is because they’re on Prozac and they’re paying someone else to look after their little monsters.)

As Spike sees it, your problem is that you don’t know how to distinguish between actual priorities and manufactured priorities.

Looking at your list, certainly working, doing laundry, and grocery shopping would qualify as actual priorities. Unless one is gifted with a trust fund or winning lottery ticket, work is a priority for pretty much everyone because it allows us to house and feed ourselves, as well as pay for those little niceties like clothes, heat and electricity. And for most people having clean clothes is a priority so that they can go to work without offending colleagues (fortunately for Spike, looking or smelling good isn’t an issue at work). And obviously grocery shopping is important if one wants to eat without paying exorbitant restaurant prices. Of course the latter two could be outsourced if one had the resources, but personally Spike finds both activities to be very soothing, plus he likes to look at all the pretty “fashions” at the grocery store, where the "Farrah-do" and “Flash Dance look" apparently never go out of style.

As for the rest of your list, let’s see...going to the gym. Oh, are you a swimsuit model? A competitive bodybuilder? A professional athlete? Spike didn’t think so, in which case going to the gym is NOT a real priority. Yeah, Spike can hear your argument: “But working out helps me relieve stress!” Really? Not if the amount of stress it relieves is equal to the amount of stress created by trying to fit it into your schedule. Yes, there are certainly health benefits to working out, but let’s face it, you’re only doing it because you’re vain and because everyone else is going and you feel you have to keep up. Try doing some push ups in your living room instead.

Buying stuff for your apartment? What, are you building a collection of throw pillows and an orphan will be sacrificed if you don’t complete it by a certain date? Shopping is supposed to be fun. If you’re doing it so much that it’s causing you to freak out then you have a much bigger problem than stress.

Seeing family and friends? Spike can see how getting together with family on any routine basis could be stressful, but realistically how often does that happen (once every 23 years when they come out to feed for Spike)? And getting together with friends should be a way to unwind. If not, then perhaps you need new friends.

The point, Edge, is that you’re feeling stressed because you choose to treat everything like a priority. Spike keeps his own life very simple: he has to work; he has to pay bills; he has to walk and feed the dog; he has to drink and smoke. Everything else—eating, sleeping, bathing, enriching the lives of others with his wisdom—are just thing he LIKES to do when time permits. They don’t cause him any stress because he doesn’t feel the need to shoehorn them into his schedule.

Honestly, based on your list Spike doesn’t understand why you’re feeling stressed because it really doesn’t seem like you’ve got very much going on in your life, but perhaps you just have a very low stress threshold. So Spike suggests that you do what he does: any time you’re faced with doing something that causing you stress or anxiety, just ask yourself, “Will anyone die if I don’t do this?” And if the answer is, “Nobody who owes me money,” then just skip it. Believe Spike, you’ll find that the days have more than enough hours to accomplish anything of true importance.

So ciao for now,
Spike

Spike is NOT a licensed therapist and has NO training whatsoever in psychology or human behavior, but as he frequently says, “the fucking President has no qualifications for his job either, and look how well he’s doing.” DISCLAIMER: Spike and Online OffBeat take no responsibility whatsoever for advice given in Spike Sez. Submit questions at your own risk to spike@onlineoffbeat.com. If no questions are submitted, Spike will make them up.