Political Shorts – 32
Politics / Humor - Top Stories
Hillary Clinton learned this week that New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson is just not that into her. As a result, here are a few things suddenly removed from Richardson's schedule:
• Discuss upcoming fantasy football draft with Bill Clinton.
• Deliver key note speech to “It Takes a Village” chatroom.
• Judge Miss Chunky Chick beauty pageant.
• Be fitted for “Richardson/Clinton 2008" velour sweat suit.
• Say to Hillary Clinton each night, “Really? I didn’t know ‘La Bamba’ was your favorite song.”
Dick Cheney celebrated Easter at a nondenominational service in Jerusalem. It was his most profound religious experience since he cashed his first Haliburton check.
A registered sex offender is running for mayor of Wilmer, Texas. His campaign slogan is: “I never met a man on the Internet, claiming to be an underage girl, I didn’t like.”
John McCain met French President Nicolas Sarkozy in Paris. They discussed China’s crackdown in Tibet and the appropriate length of time before marrying another hot babe.
Bay State Bombast
The Massachusetts House, led by Speaker Sal DiMasi, defeated Gov. Deval Patrick’s casino bill, 108 to 46. An unfazed Patrick demanded, “Come on, double or nothing!”
Small Street Journal
Sporting arenas, stadiums, and tracks are now offering tickets that include unlimited snacks. Fans should be warned, however; the vomitorium is usually extra.
Media Bites
Jamie Lee Curtis is posing nude for the May/June issue of “AARP The Magazine.” Its editor is so confident the concept will boost circulation he’s offered to buy Angela Lansbury a membership to a gym.
Inside Scoop
John Edwards wants desperately to publicly endorse Barack Obama for president but is waiting for the right day when the sunlight perfectly highlights his hair.
Weekly Prediction
If John McCain loses the General Election, PBS’s next fundraiser will include “The Legends of Doo-Wop” featuring the Keating Five.
