Political Shorts – 33
Politics / Humor - Top Stories
During an appearance on ABC's “The View,” Barack Obama implied that his former pastor Rev. Jeremiah Wright regrets his incendiary statements. In fact, since retiring, Wright has pledged to:
• Bless a factory that manufacturers American flag lapel pins.
• Nominate the Tuskegee Syphilis Study for a long-deserved Nobel Prize in medicine.
• Criticize Rosa Parks for taking a white insurance executive’s seat on a bus.
• Thank policemen for taking an interest in his life each time they ask: “How can a black guy afford a car like this?”
• Let the world know that no man has contributed more to African American culture than Charlie Pride.
New Cuba President Raul Castro is letting citizens have cell phones, thereby allowing them to call friends and relatives to say, “Stroke, stroke, stroke.”
Mitt Romney appeared with John McCain at Republican fund-raiser in Utah. This was the hardest thing Romney has had to do since switching from Honduran to Guatemalan landscapers.
President Bush said in his Saturday radio address that his economic stimulus package will allow businesses to invest in new equipment -- like robotic child workers.
Bay State Bombast
While the Massachusetts House voted down his casino legislation, Gov. Deval Patrick traveled to New York to negotiate a $1.35 million book contract. Here are some possible places we may find him during future legislative votes:
• Clearing 200 acres of Berkshire forest for an addition to his cabana
• Test flying an Airbus A380 to replace his outdated helicopter
• Having his complimentary Emperor’s Club robe shortened
• Hanging out at his wife’s law firm during Take Your Governor to Work day
• Scouring Monster.com for his next job
Small Street Journal
Ford has sold its Jaguar and Land Rover lines to India’s Tata Motors. Tata expects the new additions will compliment its economy car, the Gunga Din.
Media Bites
Former “Quincy, M.E.” star Jack Klugman is suing NBC Universal, claiming the studio lied about the show’s profits and owes him money. NBC is claiming all profits were lost after being invested in “The Rockford Files.”
Inside Scoop
After deliberation with her campaign advisors, Hillary Clinton has decided not to show a previously-unreleased 1993 videotape of Secret Service agents shielding her from flying eggs during a White House Easter celebration.
Weekly Prediction
The Dalai Lama will be forced to make a heartfelt confession on “Oprah” after a video of him bitch slapping his towel boy turns up on YouTube.
