Political Shorts – 36
Politics / Humor - Top Stories
The New York Times reports that the Pentagon used a group of high-ranking retired military officers, each now a military contractor, to appear on news shows and promote the Bush Administration’s Iraq policies. Here are some of their comments that didn’t make it on the air:
• Pay no attention to that Bush flunky clutching my balls.• The United States has no chance winning in Iraq without my new combination night vision goggles/electric toothbrush.
• To show you how well my WMD detector works, we’ve hidden a nuclear bomb under one of your seats.
• Tim, I’m wearing a pair bullet-proof underwear and loving it!
• Oprah, let me just say this: You get a tank, and you get a tank, and you get tank and you get a…
A Washington Post article questions whether John McCain’s bad temper will prevent him from getting elected or affect his ability to govern. It might if his first State of the Union Speech begins with: My fellow Americans, you want a piece of me?
Pope Benedict XVI became the first pope to visit an American synagogue. He was greeted with cries of “Wow, now that’s a Yamaka!”
Barack Obama told a rally in Paoli, Pennsylvania that Hillary Clinton “has internalized a lot of the strategies, the tactics that have made Washington such a miserable place where all we do is bicker and all we do is fight.” Clinton responded, “Finally, he says something nice about me.”
Bay State Bombast
Three things to watch for in tomorrow’s Boston Marathon:
• When congratulating the winners, will Mayor Menino be provided with Kenyan, Ethiopian, and English translators?Small Street Journal• Will Gov. Deval Patrick watch the race on TV while exercising on his treadmill, thus allowing him to devote a chapter in his upcoming book to “the time I ran in the Boston Marathon.”
• Will the runners who finish the marathon vomit as much as the marchers who finish the St. Patrick’s Day Parade?
NBC announced it will start creating programs around sponsors’ products. The first show will be called “My Name is Earl the Maytag Repairman.”
Media Bites
CNN business reporter Richard Quest was arrested in New York City’s Central Park after curfew with methamphetamines. A judge sentenced him to spend ten consecutive hours in a locked room listening to Lou Dobbs commentaries.
Inside Scoop
Despite his speechwriters urging, Barack Obama refuses to use the term, “kick some serious al Qaeda butt.”
Weekly Prediction
To seal a Pennsylvania Primary win, Hillary Clinton will get drunk, get a tattoo, and wake up the next morning in bed with her husband.
