Political Shorts – 40
Politics / Humor - Top Stories
Announcer: (Cue drum roll) Ladies and gentlemen! Put your hands together for the funniest guy in politics! The man who put the “less” in tasteless. The one, the only, Mike Huckabee!
Mike Huckabee: Thank you, thank you so much. Let me tell you, I just flew in from the coast and boy, are my angel wings tired.But seriously, what can I say about that Barack Obama. He’s looking good, particularly from a grassy knoll. Hello, is this microphone on?
And then there’s Ted Kennedy. Ted, you’re supposed to seize the moment, not your chest. What is this, the Camelot Room?
Is that Hillary Clinton tough or what? Did you see the last debate? Barack Obama looked like Vince Foster begging for his life. But you know, aside from the Jews and Muslims, we’re all brothers. You’re a beautiful audience. Good night.
During a speech to 1,500 global policymakers and business leaders in Egypt, President Bush said “Too often in the Middle East, politics has consisted of one leader in power and the opposition in jail.” The president then added, “You guys may be on to something.”
John McCain warned 6,000 people at the NRA’s annual convention that a President Barack Obama or Hillary Clinton would put the rights of “law-abiding” gun owners at risk. An hour later, he promised members of Code Pink he would outlaw standoffish attitudes.
Speaker Nancy Pelosi is visiting Iraq. The only security breach occurred when a spy satellite was blinded by her red pantsuit.
Bay State Bombast
Sal DiMasi said he was outraged at stories that he backed legislation and a state software contract that benefited his friends. He said, "Those people were only passing acquaintances."
Boston Mayor Menino bicycled through the city to show his support to make the Hub a bike-friendly town. Everything went well until he was towed away for stopping in a loading zone.
The Boston City Council approved a new ordinance that requires restaurants to have their kitchen hoods and vent systems cleaned between one and four times a year. An outraged restaurant owner was astonished: “We’re supposed to have kitchen hoods and vent systems?”
Gov. Deval Patrick is encouraging business leaders to hire kids for summer jobs. So far, the Crips have signed up 22 interns.
Small Street Journal
A letter Albert Einstein wrote on God sold for $404,000 at an auction in London. However, any letter that God wrote on Albert Einstein is expected to fetch considerably more.
Media Bites
The United States Senate voted to nullify a Federal Communications Commission rule that allows media companies to own a newspaper and a television station in the same market. In a related story, Rupert Murdoch’s News Corp has temporally halted plans to clone an additional 300 news babes.
Inside Scoop
Hillary Clinton almost pulled out of the West Virginia Primary after having a severe allergic reaction from eating squirrel casserole.
Weekly Prediction
John McCain will attempt to prove he’s not too old to be president by tearing a stack of AARP junk mail in half.
