Bay State Bombast – 4
Politics / Humor - Massachusetts Gov. Deval Patrick’s administration’s top 20 accomplishments, published on his Web site, reads like a chapter from “Profiles in Padded Resumes.” Kudos to the governor’s Secretary of Action Verbs. The following are a few achievements that didn’t make the final cut:
21. Increased daylight during the spring and summer months.22. Streamlined the state purchasing process by requiring staff members to order only medium coffees with cream and one sugar.
23. Commissioned a study to find out why 99 percent of voters think “civic engagement” is when a Honda tries to mate with a Camry.
24. Attempting to retrieve half of the $1 billion Life Science Initiative money being used to resurface Speaker Sal DiMasi's bocce court.
25. Initiated an emergency chain of command for when the governor is out of state at book-signings.
Fenway Park’s food stands were cited for more than a dozen health and safety violations, including putting pine tar on a Polish sausage.
A Nantucket man was sentenced to 25 years in prison on federal pornography charges of filming himself engaged in sex acts with young girls in Asia. His lawyer complained the judge kept cutting him off after each time he started to say: “There once was a man from Nantucket.”
Horace White, a Boston DPW dispatcher, suspended for a second time for being asleep on the job, was arrested on charges of setting a house on fire. The city has a name for people like this: Employee of the Year.
