Bay State Bombast – 5
Politics / Humor - Time magazine reports that 17 girls at Gloucester High School are pregnant, and a group of freshman had made a pact to get pregnant and raise their babies together. Experts have not been able to pinpoint when the added interest in getting knocked up now occurred. However, recent events in the town may have contributed:
• Due to political correctness, the school mascot was changed from the Fighting Redmen to the Leaking Condoms.• Career Day included representatives from 12 strip clubs.
• Grading for sex education was changed to one percent testing and 99 percent class participation.
• The Abstinence Awareness Club chose “Love to Love You Baby” as its theme song.
• The Gorton’s Fisherman finally found a doctor willing to prescribe Viagra.
Gary Zerola, a former Boston prosecutor and one of People magazine's “Most Eligible Bachelors,” who has also beaten three rape charges (so far), was arrested for hitting a police officer and urinating in public while celebrating the Celtics championship win. He was also just named one of People magazine's “Most Eligible Urinating Rapists.”
Massachusetts health authorities announced hospitals and doctors who operate on the wrong limb or give an unsafe dose of medication will no longer be able to bill the state or Blue Cross and Blue Shield for costs related to fixing the mistake. Said one angry doctor: “It’s getting to the point where an incompetent doctor can’t make a living in Massachusetts.”
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Massachusetts produces more twins, triplets, and other multiple births than any state in the nation. The rate is expected to double if Gloucester lowers its drinking age to eight.
