Copping An Inferior Attitude
Advice - Spike Sez offers no-nonsense, practical advice for the lovelorn, lost, and stupid. If you feel you fit into one of these categories and have a related question, submit it to spike@onlineoffbeat.com, and if he feels like it Spike may respond.
Spike is NOT a licensed therapist and has NO training whatsoever in psychology or human behavior, but as he frequently says, “the fucking President has no qualifications for his job either, and look how well he’s doing.” Spike Sez is not affiliated with Spike TV, Spike Lee, or anyone else purporting to be named Spike.
Dear Spike — Six months ago my partner went back to school to study art history. She dropped out of school 20 years ago to work and has always wanted to go back and get her degree. We’re finally in a position now where we’re financially comfortable enough that she can be a full-time student. I can see how happy she is to be back in school and I’m glad she can finally pursue her dream after so many years of hard work.
The problem is that since Brenda started school she’s made a lot of new friends, and to be honest I feel kind of excluded when they all get together. It’s not that everyone isn’t nice, and Brenda always makes sure I know I’m welcome, but I just don’t feel like I fit in with this new group of gals. They’re all PhD candidates studying art history. They’re really smart and well educated. I’m a cop from a blue collar background. I graduated from community college with a BA in criminal justice. My idea of art is those paintings of dogs playing poker.
I don’t want to stop hanging out with Brenda’s new friends because I like them and enjoy listening to their conversations and trying to figure out what they’re talking about, plus I want Brenda to know that I want her to mingle with her peers. But I also don’t want to embarrass her. I know that after she graduates it’s going to be important for her to make connections and make a good impression on people in the art world, and I’m afraid I’m going to hold her back.
What should I do? I love Brenda with all my heart but I don’t want to stand in the way of her career.
— Carol the Cop, Malden, MA
Dear Carol — Whatever you do, don’t bail before all that PhD-in-art-history money starts rolling in. You sure wouldn’t want to miss out on THAT high-roller lifestyle. Seriously, Carol, what kind of bill of goods did Brenda sell you before she went back to school? A degree in art history is like a degree in English. Lots of people have them, but very few people make any money with them. Think about it: there’s not THAT much old art in the world, and they’re not making any more, so how much of a call do you think there is for people with degrees in art history? Maybe one in 10,000 might snag a gig working at a museum. The rest, if they’re lucky, might get a job at a gallery on Newbury Street. But the majority will end up working in a frame shop in the suburbs where they can dazzle the customers with their extensive knowledge of the artists whose posters are on sale for $9.99.
Now don’t get Spike wrong. He isn’t trying to belittle Brenda’s choice of study...too much. Sometimes knowledge is valuable just for its own sake, and passing down an understanding of the history of art is a valid and worthy undertaking. The point is that when you put things in perspective, there’s no reason to feel inferior to Brenda’s new friends. Yes, they’re more educated than you are, and perhaps they’re even smarter, but their practical contributions to every day society will likely be far less than your own. You’re a cop, damn it. That’s an important job. Without law and order society cannot exist. Plus, you could choke out any of those artsy bitches in a second. That’s got to count for something.
As far as your concern that you’re going to put Brenda in a bad light with her new friends or hold her career back, there are a few things you can do. One is to let the gals get together without you on occasion so that they can engage in deep philosophical discussions of how Monet and Picasso shaped the socio-cultural climate of pre-World War II France until the barista who’s serving them lattes is ready to puke. And when you do get together with them, contribute to the conversation by asking thoughtful questions. That will show that you’re engaged and want to learn. Plus, in Spike’s experience, art history majors like nothing more than an opportunity to hear themselves talk.
The other thing you might try is inviting the gals to participate in activities that will highlight your own strengths and limit the opportunity for discussions about art. Shoot pool, or go bowling. You're a dyke cop. You’ve GOT to be better at those than a bunch of art history majors. Or better yet, how about a game of paint ball? That way you can shoot the crap out of them and afterward they can discuss how the paint blotches resemble the early works of Jackson Pollack. It’ll be a win-win for everyone!
So ciao for now,
Spike
DISCLAIMER: Spike and Online OffBeat take no responsibility whatsoever for advice given in Spike Sez. Submit questions at your own risk to spike@onlineoffbeat.com. If no questions are submitted, Spike will make them up.
