Political Shorts – 42
Politics / Humor - Top Stories
Barack Obama was finally forced to resign his 20-year membership in the Trinity United Church of Christ in Chicago after inflammatory remarks by a visiting priest, Rev. Michael Pfleger. It is truly an outrage and disappointment, given the solid lineup of upcoming clergy:
June 1-15: You won’t want to miss the caustic stylings of JDL funnyman Rabbi Shlomo Kahane. “He puts the fun into fundamental!” – Temple Agudas Achim newsletterJune 20: One night only! - Let’s get ready to rumble (but in a non-threatening way) with Unitarian Liberation minister, Zack Billington.
July 1-7: Seeing is believing! Watch Benedictine Monk/hypnotist “The Amazing Brother Guevara” place congregants in a trance and then convince them to act like chickens while redistributing their wealth.
July 15-20: Get some of that old time religion when Magician and mail order minister Michael Blaine attempts to baptize filmmaker Michael Moore in a giant vat of A.1. Steak Sauce.
July 28: The event a the Year! - Voodoo priest Father Jacque ‘N Awe narrows the Democratic presidential race down to one by sticking 50 needles into a Hillary Clinton doll.
Democratic Party leaders agreed to seat Michigan and Florida delegates with half-votes at their summer convention. Essentially, this means delegates will be able to vote for Bar Oba or Hil Clin.
As a result of the Democratic Party’s compromise, Hillary Clinton has been left with very little chance of winning and a growing addiction to alcohol.
John McCain said it was a mistake to use a picture of Gen. David Petraeus in his fundraising material, and it “will not happen again.” He made the announcement while channeling his new honorary campaign chairman, Ulysses S. Grant.
Small Street Journal
United Airlines and US Airways announced they will not merge, thus killing any chances of forming the world’s biggest money-losing airline.
Media Bites
A Fox News employee is suing her company claiming she suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder after being bitten by bedbugs at work, proving once again that women will do anything to avoid saying they slept with Bill O’Reilly.
Inside Scoop
Barack Obama realized he didn’t have a chance to win the Puerto Rico Primary after reading news reports of the 100,000-guy “Cabana Boys for Hillary” rally.
Weekly Prediction
John McCain will suffer a minor back injury while attempting to lift his medical records.
