Political Shorts – 43
Politics / Humor - Top Stories
With the words, “I endorse him (Barack Obama) and throw my full support behind him,” Hillary Clinton lifted a great weight off her shoulders. But why stop there? Think how much better she’d feel if she could only say:
• There ought to be a law making it legal to castrate your husband.• Maybe if you had bought some teeth and stopped hanging out in this bar, your trailer wouldn’t have been repossessed.
• I’d let Bill date a dozen Playboy Playmates if I could change my vote on the Iraq War.
• The most relaxing day Chelsea and I ever had was when we landed in Bosnia.
• “Although we weren't able to shatter that highest, hardest glass ceiling this time, thanks to you, it has about 18 million cracks in it and the light is shining through like never before.” But frankly, right now I could give a rat’s ass. I need a drink.
At a lunch during the North Carolina Republican Party convention, former Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee performed the Heimlich maneuver on Robert Pittenger, the Republican candidate for lieutenant governor. A humble Huckabee said it was no different from trying to squeeze a contribution out of a campaign donor.
The Democratic National Committee, adopting Barack Obama’s fundraising rules, returned about $100,000 in money from lobbyists and political action committees -- but not before wishing it a tearful farewell.
Iowa Sen. Charles Grassley wants to know why liver transplant operations have been performed by U.C.L.A. Medical Center on four Japanese gangsters. Grassley added: “I can think of at least 20 blood-thirsty criminals in my state who are just as deserving of those organs.”
Small Street Journal
The price of oil shot up almost $11 a barrel on Friday. In a related story, GM introduced its new horse-drawn Hummer.
Media Bites
Lynda Carter, who played Wonder Woman on TV, discovered a dead body floating on the Potomac River in Washington. The lifeless figure was first thought to be the Clinton presidential campaign.
Inside Scoop
Like Barack Obama, John McCain is expected to conduct a 50-state presidential campaign, starting with the states of confusion, befuddlement, and panic.
Weekly Prediction
Barack Obama will finally agree to take part in town hall debates with John McCain after a questioner falls to his death from a trapeze during a standard CNN debate.
