Political Shorts – 47
Politics / Humor - Top Stories
John McCain has been endorsed by one of his Vietnamese jailors during his five-year imprisonment at the “Hanoi Hilton.” McCain also has been endorsed by the group, “Bataan Death March Guards for Truth.”
Barack Obama and Hillary Rodham Clinton will have a series of fundraisers in New York next week. Each Obama and Clinton event will follow a steel-cage death match between “Macho Man” Randy Savage and “Stone Cold” Steve Austin,
Barack Obama spent the Fourth of July with his family in Montana – a favorite vacation spot for Muslim presidential candidates who refuse to say the Pledge of Allegiance.
Fighting to get his campaign in gear, John McCain said, “This is a tough race. We are behind. We are the underdog. That's what I like to be.” McCain also reminded reporters his best pickup line as a teenager was, “I have no money. I have bad breath. I have a small penis. Would you like to have sex in my VW Bug?”
President Bush defended his decision to attend the Beijing Olympics Opening: “My tickets are nonrefundable.”
Small Street Journal
Oil companies are now lining up to drill off the Florida coast. In fact, one company is now testing a portable drilling rig that fits on the back of a Cuban refugee doing the breast stroke.
Media Bites
Rush Limbaugh signed a $400 Million contract. To celebrate, he bought his staff a free round of Vicodin.
Inside Scoop
Poland rejected a U.S. offer to boost its air defenses when it realized it would also have to install the Google Toolbar and pay for six months of technical support.
Weekly Prediction
On Election Night, Jesse Helms will rise from his grave and proclaim, “A black man is taking a job away from a more qualified candidate.”
