Bay State Bombast – 12
Politics / Humor -
John Buonomo, the Middlesex register of probate, who was caught on videotape stealing thousands of dollars from copy and change machines at the Registry of Deeds, is still running for reelection. Here are some possible campaign slogans:
- It’s not easy having an evil identical twin.
- At least they didn’t videotape me photocopying my bare ass.
- My name is John Buonomo and I’m a sleepwalker.
- Lesser registers of probate would’ve claimed they strained their backs lifting the cash and applied for disability.
- Where’s the video of me making a fresh pot of coffee every morning?
Salem State College plans to go ahead with a John and Elizabeth Edwards speaking appearance Sept. 23. However, the evening’s theme has been changed from “Family and Politics” to “Cold Stares and Quiet Tension.”
A group of vandals broke into Plimoth Plantation, damaged fencing, and stole beaver pelts and furs. Authorities are warning citizens to be on the lookout for anyone trading animal hides for maize.
Gov. Patrick is moving forward with a plan to replace some paid police details with civilian flaggers. However, some issues need to be worked out:
- Who will train the flaggers to drink coffee and talk on their cell phones?
- Will flaggers get a bump in pay if they earn a Masters degree in flagging techniques?
- When hiring flaggers, will preference be given to former fan dancers?
- Can out-of-state gay illegal immigrants be flaggers?
- Should drivers be required to salute the flaggers?
