Political Shorts – 51
Politics / Humor - Top Stories
This week in the continuing saga of “Some of My Best Friends are Presidential Candidates," John McCain accused Barack Obama of playing the race card. How can Obama, once and for all, get the race issue behind him? Here are some suggestions:
• Announce he is vetting David Duke• Join James Dobson in San Francisco for Dobson’s yearly book and leather thong burning rally
• More appearances with loyal American country western singers -- or loyal American country western singer's drug suppliers
• Distance himself from all radical African Americans -- including Booker T. Washington
• Trade wife Michelle for Marie Osmond
A federal judge ruled that President Bush’s top advisers cannot ignore subpoenas issued by Congress -- once again discrediting President Bush’s “My dog ate my subpoena” argument.
Barack Obama now says he would be in favor of some offshore oil drilling if it was part of a broader energy package -- or as he's now calling it: a changed position we can believe in.
Barack Obama is refusing to go along with John McCain’s challenge for several Lincoln-Douglas-style debates saying, “It’s not fair. Unlike my opponent, I never met Lincoln or Douglas.”
“Experts” say that by distancing himself from Ludacris, Barack Obama risks losing the support of the hip hop community. This is evidenced by the surging numbers of “Rappers for McCain.”
Small Street Journal
Wal-Mart has denied pressuring employees to vote against Democrats because an Obama administration would make it easier for workers to unionize. They are pressuring employees to vote against Democrats because an Obama administration would make it easier for workers to take a bathroom break.
Media Bites
“Nightline” co-anchor Martin Bashir apologized for joking about “Asian babes” and “erections.” What he actually meant was "babes with Asian erections.”
Inside Scoop
Forty three percent of people who plan to demonstrate at the Democratic and Republican conventions have yet to choose an issue.
Weekly Prediction
After failing to retrieve his e-mail for the fifth time, John McCain will officially join the computer age by hurling his BlackBerry at a campaign aid.
