Political Shorts – 53
Politics / Humor - Top Stories
Despite a weak economy, dissatisfaction with the war in Iraq, and an opponent viewed by many Republicans as not even the next Michael Reagan, Barack Obama is not pulling ahead of John McCain in the polls. Here are some possible reasons why he can’t close the deal:
- His campaign slogan is too vague. How about “Spare Change We Can Believe In”?
- Many people still believe he’s a Muslim. Why not split the difference and admit to being Jewish?
- Wife Michelle is perceived as a bit uppity. Assuming Barack can’t shake the Muslim thing, it may be burka time.
- Barack Obama doesn’t have a prisoner of war story, but it’s not too late to make the connection between summer camp and post traumatic stress syndrome.
- It’s possible America is not ready for a black president, but who knows; with Obama’s vast extended family, it might vote for a candidate who is a distant relative of George Hamilton.
Hillary Clinton will get a roll call at the Democratic convention. She denied she was bargaining for anything and said people are already reading too much into the first line of her speech: “This is a nice little convention you got here. It’d be a shame it something happened to it.”
A spokesman for Barack Obama said Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick, who is facing eight felony charges in a perjury case and two felony charges in an assault case, is not welcome at the Democratic convention in Denver. A disappointed Kilpatrick said he was looking forward to the party’s annual black tie and orange jumpsuit dinner.
President Bush has raised $70 million for the Republican Party this year. That total is expected to grow after he hosts another one of his “No One Will Ever Know You Were in the Same Room With Me” affairs.
In her party’s weekly radio address, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi said she might be willing to open portions of the Outer Continental Shelf for oil drilling -- but only if the rigs are manned by gender neutral crews.
Small Street Journal
Wal-Mart has been accused by labor-rights groups of unlawfully pressuring employees to vote against Democrats because their party helps workers unionize. Wal-Mart denied the charges saying it unlawfully pressures employees to vote against Democrats because their party discourages workers from buying crappy merchandise.
Media Bites
Formerly top-secret records of the World War II Office of Strategic Services (which later became the CIA) reveal that TV chef Julia Child spied for the U.S. She was also the first agent to smuggle documents in a PBS tote bag.
Inside Scoop
John McCain is not concerned about having less money than Barack Obama since he can make up the difference with senior citizen discounts.
Weekly Prediction
Barack Obama will have second thoughts about asking Joe Biden to be his running mate after Biden takes three hours to thank him.
