Political Shorts – 57
Politics / Humor - Top Stories
Five things to watch for after the $700 billion bailout is passed:
- The Treasury Department will start printing $1 billion dollar bills.
- John McCain will promise that “if I’m elected president, the $700 billion bucks stop here.”
- Barack Obama will scale back his proposed middle class tax cut to “pocket change we can believe in.”
- Sarah Palin will start talking about God’s financial plan.
- All government correspondences will be printed on old Lehman Brothers stationary.
Democratic Louisiana Congressman William Jefferson is seeking a 10th term even though he’s under indictment for accepting bribes. When asked how he could possibly run for reelection while defending himself, Jefferson said, “Multitasking.”
Neither candidate scored a knockout punch in Friday night’s presidential debate. But give John McCain credit; it’s not easy to debate while your campaign is suspended.
During the debate, John McCain kept saying Barack Obama didn’t understand the difference between a tactic and a strategy. Sarah Palin later emphasized the point by saying a tactic is a tiny mint.
A breakthrough has been reached in the $700 billion rescue of the financial markets. President Bush has decided to go with a blue pen.
Small Street Journal
Washington Mutual chief executive Alan Fishman is being criticized because he may end up with a $13 million “golden parachute” after only having the job for 18 days. A defensive Fishman lashed out, “This is the thanks I get for bringing in muffins and bagels every Friday."
Media Bites
Sarah Palin spent the week studying video of her few interviews with the media. She didn’t think she’d performed that badly -- until she realized she was watching Tina Fey.
Inside Scoop
If Congress cannot agree on a financial rescue plan, it will ask Jerry Lewis to conduct a financial bailout telethon.
Weekly Prediction
Sarah Palin will walk out of the vice presidential debate because “It was my understanding the questions would be multiple choice.”
