Humor

• Terrorists tried to assassinate the president of the Russian republic of Ingushetia. Republicans demand Obama find out where Ingushetia is.


• Republicans have been urging President Obama to get tougher with Iran. When will he finally show some backbone and ban Persian cats?


• The split-up of Jon & Kate raises a very important question: Should couples stay together for the sake of the ratings?


• Report: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad will be sworn in as president by August. Aretha Franklin has begun rehearsing "Amazing Grace" in Farsi.


• Dick Cheney has a book deal to write his memoir, tentatively called "You Gotta Have Heart and Another Heart and Another Heart, and...


• The Gov. Sanford affair proves 1 thing: If Republicans really cared about the economy, they wouldn't be outsourcing their mistresses.


• Italian premier Silvio Berlusconi has a name for what South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford did: his Thursday morning appointment.


• If not for Farrah Fawcett, I might’ve become Charlie's first male Angel. Perhaps it’s time for me to let go.


• I’ll always remember what I was doing when Michael Jackson died: remembering what I was doing when Farrah Fawcett died.


• A Nestle USA cookie dough factory has refused to provide FDA inspectors its pest-control records. So much for revealing its secret recipe.


• Federal Prosecutors recommend Bernie Madoff be sentenced to 150 years in jail. His lawyer thinks he can get it knocked down to 125.

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Posted by Ben Alper at 10:11 AM

Humor

• Sorry folks, gotta pay the bills: Drink Coke's new chopped liver-flavored cola! It's like Dr. Pepper, only less cute.


• I'll be opening for Kim Jong-il at next week's Oppress-apalooza. Plenty of tickets left.


• Feeling good about myself. Just offered the gov. to keep 2 Guantanamo prisoners in my basement. 3 if I can get the tool shed cleaned out.


• Get out and show your support for the people of Iran. Be there or beheaded.


• Brooksville, FL now requires its city employees wear underwear and use deodorant. Its new city motto: Did you wash behind your ears?


• Brooksville, FL requires its city employees wear underwear and use deodorant. Its new city motto: Don't be a perspiration stain on the city.

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Posted by Ben Alper at 01:53 PM

Humor

• An Israeli woman mistakenly threw out a mattress with $1 million inside. Or as Jews call that: pulling a Madoff.


• Opponents of Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad are now referring to him by his full name, Mahmoud Kevin Ahmadinejad.


• Chastity Bono is undergoing a sex change -- or as Michael Jackson calls that: normal maintenance.


• Iran's supreme leader, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei calls Ahmadinejad’s victory a “divine assessment.” The guy thinks he’s a U.S. Sup. Ct. Judge.


• Some Republicans are finally supporting health insurance mandates – just as long as it doesn’t lead to health insurance man-on-man dates.

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Posted by Ben Alper at 01:10 PM