This Week in Tweets
Humor
- Powerful sedative found in Michael Jackson’s home -- a John Tesh CD.
- 1.6 million request Michael Jackson memorial tickets. Even in death he’s outdrawing Lil Wayne.
- George W. Bush may put Saddam's gun in his library. So far, that's guns 1, books 0.
- 1.6 million request Michael Jackson memorial tickets. Fortunately, Ticketmaster still has a few seats available for next of kin.
- New dessert inspired by Sarah Palin -- Half Baked Alaska.
- An Illinois cab driver fended off a knife-wielding passenger by spraying deodorant at the attacker. Amazing! A cabbie using deodorant!
- A Colorado company is selling caskets made out of bananas. They can be used for closed- and pealed-coffin funerals.
- Former D.C. Mayor Marion Barry was arrested for harassing his ex-girlfriend. His defense: “The bitch I’d been stalking set me up.
- British scientists claim to have created human sperm using embryonic stem cells. Or as they're calling it: "I can't believe it's not Nigel.
- You know the recession must be over when even former AG Alberto Gonzales can find a job (teaching at Texas Tech).
- For anyone who missed the funeral, the Jackson family will be Sitting Shivah in Los Angeles Coliseum.
- Tehran governor threatens to "smash" any new protests. After that, he'll be visiting a senior center.
- Comcast employee arrested for robbing Oregon check-cashing store. Threatens to shoot clerk sometime between 8 AM and 5 PM.
- Ex-mistress's husband says Sen. John Ensign paid severance -- If you know what I mean.
- Utility knife blades found in dietary supplements. Now that's what I call cutting calories.
- LAPD is investigating Michael Jackson's prescription drug history. Step one: question any physician nicknamed "Dr. Feelgood."
- Sen. John Ensign's parents gave his mistress's family $96K. Said his father, "Kids to the darnedest things.
- Roland Burris won't seek a full term -- Senate or jail?
- New book reveals Ernest Hemingway to be KGB agent. That explains his unpublished short story, "The Commie of Kilimanjaro."
