This Week in Tweets
Humor
- Indicted NJ mayor resigns after only 1 month on job. Sarah Palin's reaction: "Why didn't I think of that?"
- Northwest jet blows 5 tires while landing in Minn. Kirstie Alley is told to find another airline to fly on.
- McCain to oppose Sotomayor for Supreme Court. "Call me old fashioned but nothing turns me off more than a woman who speaks coherently."
- Plaxico Burress indicted on weapons charges. More specifically, carrying a concealed weapon without a brain.
- Ayatollah Khamenei bestows endorsement of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's 2nd term as president but without formal kiss. "I just want to be friends."
- Bill Clinton in N Korea to seek release of U.S. reporters -- and to check out the Pyongyang Hooters.
- Ryan O'Neal: "I hit on my daughter Tatum at Farrah's funeral." This is too freaky for even Eugene O'Neal.
- Human foot found in NY recycling plant. "This little piggy went to paper, this little piggy went to plastic, and... "
- Ohio family visits 52 zoos in 52 weeks. They expect it will take another 52 weeks for the monkey house smell to go away.
- Ohio family visits 52 zoos in 52 weeks. The most interesting exhibit? Ryan, the bi-curious hippopotamus.
- Report: Russian subs patrolling off East Coast. Yesterday, authorities spotted a Veal Orloff with onions and mayo on a 6-inch roll.
- Jury rules convicted ex-congressman William Jefferson must forfeit $470,000 in bribes. Jefferson furious. "I earned those bribes!"
- 267-pound matzah ball sets Guinness world record. Crowd that ate it then sets record for guilt after not thanking mother who cooked it.
- Clunkers program extended. Entire NBC lineup renewed another year.
- NY Times: "Sotomayor faces heavy workload of complex cases." She disagrees: "I thought most were going to be true or false."
- Kenyan man offers 40 goats and 20 cows for Chelsea Clinton's hand in marriage. Hillary: "I told you not to sign up for eHarmony.com."
- Fla. newlywed arrested for hiring hit man to kill husband of 6 months. Her defense? "Forgive me for trying to spice things up."
- American Psychological Association repudiates gay-to-straight therapy. That is so Niles Crane.
