Politics / Humor
Vice Presidents behaving badly -- Did you catch last weekend’s schoolyard fight between Dick Cheney and Joe Biden? I’m not sure who won, but it gave the pundits much to talk and blog about after recess. The biggest disappointment was that we couldn’t send the two home with a stern note for their parents.
Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to veto me? -- The Virginia Senate has voted to allow concealed weapons permit holders to carry guns in restaurants that serve alcohol, as long as they don’t drink. Have they really thought this through? Who is going to tell a Karaoke bar patron packing heat that he’s sung one too many versions of “Feelings”? Good luck trying to persuade Steven Segal wannabes to share their beer nuts.
Jenny Craig goes to Washington -- President Obama has created a deficit reduction commission tasked with eliminating $14.3 trillion in government red ink. Here are some suggestions to hit the ground running: 1) Commission should skip the ornate board rooms and meet at Denny’s -- and then only order off the children’s menu. 2) Don’t take anything off the table -- including leasing Connecticut to Aetna. 3) Effective immediately, Dept. of Defense starts buying weapons at CostCo.
If, after all this, the Republicans threaten to boycott any decisions made by the commission, it's time for Obama to get tough and order the EPA to ban whatever substance John Boehner is using to give his complexion that lovely orange glow.
Strap the tea partiers on the roof, he’s ready to go -- Mitt Romney was busy at this week’s Conservative Political Action Committee conference in Washington, rallying the troops for another Romney for President road trip. Reason number one to vote for Mitt? Paint a Hitler mustache on him and he’s still the best looking candidate.
ben.alper@onlineoffbeat.com
